I'm really stunned...

Really stunned...

Stunned...



I wasn't disappointed at the result at all because I've expected it for me that way. I was totally prepared. Or perhaps, I realized it was a wrong decision of trying to start out so huge. I guessed I was hoping much about not getting it after all, and start out properly as a small fry instead. And I was all excited to decide what I want to do after the result was out. I have 2 choices in mind already..


But then...
The result was really a big stunning news for me.
Stunned...

How do I describe it? The result is the first thing that I've always been considering and really hope for it not to happen. Actually, there is nothing wrong with the result at all. In fact, it was an excellent result, and I'm really happy to see it. But in some sense, under certain circumstances, under certain considerations, what I worry most is actually happening in the most happening way.

Maybe I worry too much. Is there really those things to worry about? But I like to foresee things in advance. From what I see now from another situation, I'm experiencing it right now. I don't mind to do it at all. It is exactly from this experience, which is what I'm afraid of picking my choices right now. If I abandon my choices, things may probably just continue the same way as this current experience, and I have totally no complaints about doing it at all. I'm just worried, if I really go for 1 of my choices, who will be there for us? I just think that someone has to be there for us. I can't let others do it, because it is part of my responsibilities to do it.

Those people who know are encouraging me to go for what I plan for. I really wonder if I should. They know it's something I really want to do. But I want to think for the whole picture. It's not a need, it's a want. Now I'm so confused...