Have been mugging real hard these few days!
Feeling so tired every now & then.
But I must continue to work hard!
All this hard work is going to pay off real soon! =D



I wonder if I did grow up any bit from my thinking. Even though I'm still as childish as I can be.


There are many people who will share joy with me. I was happy about that. I used to be so proud of it, that I have many friends who love to have fun with me. Then I realized, this is not what I want at all.

Once the fun is over, I find myself lonely again. Real lonely.

Then I realized there is this bunch of people. A group of people who I have forgotten when I was having fun with those fun people. The people who I have never noticed properly that they have always been there for me no matter what happen. I felt lonely because I have never felt their presence. All I have always been thinking is, how I could leave my lonely life again & look forward to having fun with the fun people.

Slowly, I come to realize, the people who are my friends are not just those who choose to share their joy with me only. There are people who are willing to share both joy & go through hardship with me, all the time. It is just how I always failed to see them at all.

I do find myself happier after turning 21. Afterall, many things happened during my 21st, and I've seen the worst, and also the best I could have that day. That special day really made me realize many, many things, that I did not use to see. After that day, a lot of my perspectives changed.

I began to see the joy in going through hard times with people I love together. I wasn't going through them alone anymore. There are times when we complain at every little things together, there are times when we joke about every single thing that isn't funny at all together, there are times when we go "oops!" at our mistakes & poke fun at one another after that, and there are times when we just sit down & have fun together.

Many people have been asking me why I want to exhaust my whole December holidays just like that. I asked myself why as well. I mean, I can be having fun out there. I know JJ is coming back for that Zouk event. I know Rynn is coming back as well(previously). I even know that if I were to devote my whole holidays on that project, I will have to give up my chance of seeing them both. Moreover, I will have to rush & put in a lot of hard work & efforts so that the project will be successful in the end. So why do I still give up on my only chances of seeing them for the sake of the project?

Maybe a lot of people will not understand how I feel. That project is not a commitment. That project is not about hardship. It is all about the people I meet & these are the people who are willing to go through whatever hardship we will be facing real soon. No matter how tough things are going to be, we know we'll be fine. Because we are in for this together, so we will find our way out together. And I really look forward to seeing the outcome of the project. To see our efforts pay off, even for the shortest moment we can imagine, it is enough. Nothing more.


I don't understand why some people have to misunderstand the fact that I choose to give up seeing JJ or Rynn means I do not like them as much anymore. Not seeing them does not mean I support them any less than last time. Not saying out loud that I miss them does not mean I do not miss them at all. Everyone has their different ways of showing their support. And I just choose to do it in the silent way. I do miss them as much as most fans do, just that I don't think I need to say it out to prove that I miss them.

Thanks for that particular person who tells me, "You haven't seen JJ for a long time, you must have missed him. So just go for that event." Thanks! It really warms my heart to know there is someone who always knows me best.