They are very important to me. Maybe they are the only ones left who stay behind to care for me. As I stop in my pace to take a break in life, they stop to accompany me through ups and downs in this tough journey. The rest just continue moving ahead to continue with what they have in life. I’m lost in life, but I know I’m not alone. I’ll continue to hold on, because I know they will definitely be there for me. For the sake of both of them, I won’t give up or disappoint them.
Perhaps, being tolerant is my weakness. I am one who doesn’t show it out whenever I’m unhappy about certain things. I always think I should not make a fuss over such things, making everyone unhappy just because of me. I’ve learnt to tame my temper these few years. Is that the right thing to do? Just because people think I don’t mind, does it mean I’m as easy-going as I appear to be? I’m confused about these questions myself. When I didn’t throw my temper at the slightest thing, I get hurt by people unknowingly. Furthermore, they have hurt me repeatedly without knowing it. When I really flare up, everything just accumulate together. It just happens so fast nobody knows what has happened to me. All it appears to be is, I have a sudden change in behaviour and become all unreasonable.
Maybe, it’s my own fault that I do not like to say what I hate/dislike. If I’ve told them, would things be different now? I just feel that, I’m very particular in things that it might seem petty or minor to others, so petty that I feel unreasonable myself at times too. That is also the reason I refuse to speak out about how I feel. Things like… extra people appearing last minute for lunch/dinner dates without my prior knowledge, demanding as if I owe them when they are requesting favours from me, repeatedly asking me to do the obvious things I already hinted I dislike doing, etc. They are minor things, but I don’t like them at all, yet I don’t show it on my face.
Sometimes, I guess people can’t sense it too. Whenever I go all quiet suddenly, it means I hate some things that just happened. I realize few people notice about that. Even if they do and ask me why, my reply will always be “Nothing wrong.” What’s wrong? I do not like to explain because obviously something is wrong, and I dislike telling people what is wrong if they cannot realize the reason themselves.
我会很努力地继续微笑。。 但是，我不是真正的快乐。。
Perhaps, being tolerant is my weakness. I am one who doesn’t show it out whenever I’m unhappy about certain things. I always think I should not make a fuss over such things, making everyone unhappy just because of me. I’ve learnt to tame my temper these few years. Is that the right thing to do? Just because people think I don’t mind, does it mean I’m as easy-going as I appear to be? I’m confused about these questions myself. When I didn’t throw my temper at the slightest thing, I get hurt by people unknowingly. Furthermore, they have hurt me repeatedly without knowing it. When I really flare up, everything just accumulate together. It just happens so fast nobody knows what has happened to me. All it appears to be is, I have a sudden change in behaviour and become all unreasonable.
Maybe, it’s my own fault that I do not like to say what I hate/dislike. If I’ve told them, would things be different now? I just feel that, I’m very particular in things that it might seem petty or minor to others, so petty that I feel unreasonable myself at times too. That is also the reason I refuse to speak out about how I feel. Things like… extra people appearing last minute for lunch/dinner dates without my prior knowledge, demanding as if I owe them when they are requesting favours from me, repeatedly asking me to do the obvious things I already hinted I dislike doing, etc. They are minor things, but I don’t like them at all, yet I don’t show it on my face.
Sometimes, I guess people can’t sense it too. Whenever I go all quiet suddenly, it means I hate some things that just happened. I realize few people notice about that. Even if they do and ask me why, my reply will always be “Nothing wrong.” What’s wrong? I do not like to explain because obviously something is wrong, and I dislike telling people what is wrong if they cannot realize the reason themselves.
我会很努力地继续微笑。。 但是，我不是真正的快乐。。
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