To the dear one that I will always love

While I was reading what you wrote, my tears just rolled down uncontrollably. There's so much emotions running in me, but I don't know how to put them all in words.

Thanks for telling me I'm a good leader. Even if others do not believe I am. Or even when I tell myself that I failed to be one. I didn't regret doing all those things for you, because I'm proud of you. Even when things end up like that, I still feel that you are worth what I have done so much.

As much as you tried to make me believe again, I want so much to make myself to believe again too. However, I really don't know what will make me believe again. I have lost so much faith, that I'm so afraid of losing even more now. I guess I'm just not as strong as how others think I am. I will continue to hold on. But I don't know how long I can still hold on if things are never going to change.

I know you're lost, because I choose to let go. I didn't bear to let go, because I still have you. I still choose to let go. All I want is to be happy, which I am not at all now. Perhaps, between you and happiness, I have chosen the latter. I'm just tired of putting a brave front in front of everyone. I just want things to be as simple as it is before. If I don't let go, I will never get back what I wish to have, who I used to be. I'm sorry that I'm selfish.

My passion is still there. It's just that I don't know how to get my passion forward going anymore. I'm lost myself. I can sense that everything seems to lost its meaning. Things will never be the same without you or me. It's because we have become a team. I wanted so much to tell you, you can make it, no matter if I'm there for you or not. I guess I just can't say it out. As one who can't convince herself to do it, in what position does she have to tell others the same?

No matter what, I'm glad that I met you. You're one of the greatest gifts that I can ever have. I trust that I can let you go on your own. I trust that you won't disappoint me, like it has always been. I'll still be there if you need me.