Camp is Coming! Wee~~

ETHELONTER 6 IS FINALLY HERE! Tomorrow! =D

Hope everything will go fine.. I want a full camp!

Please do not miss me! I think I'll be online, if I'm lucky to have the spare time, and provided I'm not too tired.. My laptop is coming with me! Don't think too much, it'll be mostly for the group's use.


MPE starts from 3 July to 6 July~
I totally panicked because I forgot I've selected my major during the streaming exercise long time ago in March. It was disastrous to not pick my major during my MPE. I spent 100+ points to bid for either CS1231 or CS2250 when I could get it at 1 point if it wasn't treated as my UE since I didn't choose my major.

Anyway! The streaming exercise result was out. I'm officially majoring in Information System: Services Science, Management and Engineering! Yippee! =D Okay.. I'm not really into the "Engineering" part of that specialisation.. =.= But Services Science really sounds interesting and fun to me! Wee~~ (I hope so?? haha...)

I've more or less decided on the CS modules I want to take next semester. CS2261, CS2105, CS2106 and CS3361. CS2261 is jsp + javabeans + Web Services. I shall go dig out my SDT & WSSD projects! haha... CS3361 is the interesting Services Science! I really hope it's fun, fun, fun! I place a lot of hope getting out of those horrible darned Computer Science fundamental modules after a torturous year & now getting into my peaceful IS major.

Okay! I'll be helping out in the Gown Collection event for the last time tomorrow before going for camp! The job is quite tiring, but it is definitely much more fun than staying in the office. Maybe most of us there are students, and we have the same topic to joke/gossip/complain about. So cool! Even though all of us got to know each other for a few days only, but everyone was really nice & we enjoyed working with one another.

Okay! Really time to go off! Please don't miss me too much! =D

Jiaqun's 21st birthday celebration last Sat! She's officially an adult now! =D

Went to school for SP dance prac y'day. It lasted for about 1 hour. After that, some of us went to Chinatown to have Dimsum buffet! The usual camwhoring session! I'm lazy to arrange the photos in order, so they appear in random order.

the two xiong di/bros.

me & my 爱爱！we're definitely super loving. =D

our 1st round.. I think..

xinyi, johnson & the many eggtarts johnson ordered.

this tofu is superb nice! =D

I said YT loves to copy my fav pose! haha!

Needless to say, we were so full after the buffet. So we decided to walk from Far East Square to Raffles Place to City Hall. I think I missed out Wing because she left early to go back to school.. Boo... Shall have a photo of her next time =D

"也許是曾經我誤會過／誤會過我的朋友跟我已經很久沒有好好聊天了。。。"
Exactly 1 more month to my 21st. I haven't really got to start planning about it. Don't really feel excited about it. I don't know why.

3 years ago on this day, I was there. ("About me" says everything.) 3 years later... Today.. I am nowhere I want to be. I talked to the closest people to me a lot yesterday. We talked about my last option. We talked about my fears. We talked about how CSC became the centre of my life instead. I felt so guilty flaring up at the wrong people because of my persistance. I felt so bad I flared up at them, and they ended up comforting me instead.

I was talking about a lot of things last night on the phone. Really heart-to-heart talk. I blabbered. I paused. I continued. I paused for a long time. It just continued this way. She felt a little helpless over the other end.

I read the blog entry written by JJ on Celeste's blog this morning. The above sentence caught my eyes. It really depicts the main fear I was blabbering about for 1 hour on the phone the night before.

Charis Singing Outing =D

Charis Singing Outing! =D

9 of us went to Chinatown $10 KTV to sing! We had tons of fun! Charis people are great singers! Especially impressed by YT's singing! He has powerful vocals! So cool can! =D Ching & Shaozhi have nice voices too, just that they were too shy to sing.. And of coz! We've our amazing Charis 动力火鸡（史上最强男低音组合）~! They made us laugh & cheer like crazy! HAHAHA!

Our beloved Charis king's birthday falls on the coming friday, but we celebrated it earlier. Went to buy a cake for him. We even made him sing "Forever Love" dedicated to our Charis queen! hahaha...

After singing, some of them left, and some joined us for dinner. We went to A:R:K House. Okay, we brought our Charis lions everywhere! So we took many random photos along with Charis lions!

YT loves to imitate me with my fav pose! hahaha...

I have a very mixed feeling. I see it everywhere, be it on msn or FB. And I do know what date it is today. However, I didn't really bother. In fact, it's just a day I enjoyed going to my CCA, busy with my camp stuff, and catching up with my poly mates.

Now I really wonder. In the past, whenever I felt that I've lost the feeling, I would be able to find it back quickly. However, this time round, I don't have the urge to even try to find that feeling back. 心如止水 is something I would describe how I feel now. I was even quite surprised myself that I refused to sing most of his songs during Charis outing y'day. I used to have something to cling on, to hold me back, to give me time to get the feeling back. But now, I guess I have nothing to cling on. When was that feeling lost? What caused it? Am I worried I won't be able to find that feeling back once again? What exactly happened? Seriously, I think all the answers to these questions ain't really important to me right now.

Looking at the above photos, these are the times when I really smile truly from my heart.

This is a super lame post..

I think I'm such a smart ass that I nearly flung my laptop off the bed. =D

I kept doing silly thing out of my mind recently. Like dropping a Maggi tomato bottle on the floor. Ta-da! What a "gua-gua"! (Guava 的 gua) =D

I should be leaving the house right now go meet Charis. But here I am, typing away about silly events that I can do it later at night. If I am late, they'll have to wait for me, because I made the reservation. However... as you can see.. I'm still being so stubborn because at this moment, I should stop typing & get off.

No, no.. You still can see me typing off, which I'm not sure why I am still doing so though. I guess I should really stop and get going. But then.. I'm still typing on and on..

Oh well... If you're still reading, I'm not too sure why are you still trying to? Should you just close this window and go away too? Coz by this point of time, you should know I'm getting nowhere. But it seems that you're enjoying yourself reading about me typing away about things that I should get lost.

Are you still reading?

OK.. I shall go off! Bye bye!

I'm totally exhausted like shit.

But I feel the satisfaction seeing Charis banner & identifiers completed. =)

Ronald McDonalds hasn't take a group photo with us yet.

I know my directions and I'm clear of my commitments. =D

I went to school for GAW OC interview today. =D

No matter if my interview is going to be successful or not, I'm really glad that I went for it. Thanks Johnson & Tianju for giving me that chance even though I applied way after the deadline. I guessed I hesitated and thought a lot before I made that decision.

After everything that had happened all this while, I kind of got myself out of it. Finally. I really need to. I don't want to live my life in sorrow.

I hated myself for quite some time. Hate why things turn out like that. Hate why I make everyone unhappy just because I'm unhappy. Hate why I created so many troubles that I should not have.

I'm tired of hating everything. So I gave up for what I think is right. In fact, I just don't know how to continue fighting without poking deeper, into further small details that might upset everyone. I think I can. But I don't wish to anymore. What is the point? What do I get in the end? I just continue to get hurt deeper, and hurting everyone in the process digging into the truths that I think I'm not even supposed to know.

Maybe they don't remember what they've said before. Maybe they're just passing remarks to them. But some words, I'll never forget. To what may not be important to them, I may have taken them seriously. That is why I remembered, and they don't. Only verbal conversations that are not recorded do not leave tracks behind.

I have to admit I was very affected ever since Day 1 of camp trials. Even though I was physically there, my mind was not there half of the time. When everything started falling apart, camp trials became more of a burden to me. It should not have been this way. I totally feel bad about it. I totally forgot why I joined e6 in the first place. I needed to have that passion back before the actual camp.

I feel so much happier that I finally leave everything aside and get myself back on track. It was a pity that the first camp trial that I actually enjoyed had to be the last camp trial. Even though I was sabo-ed to get very dirty in the end, I didn't care so much, because I loved it. Then I started resuming all the responsibilities that I should have as a KC. For the first time, I actually enjoyed doing it and feel proud that I can get myself to get everything done properly.

I love my Charis people. They're really cooperative and supportive in getting everything done to their best efforts. I'm really gladful for that because they've helped lighten Terence & my workload as KCs in their own means.

Lastly, thanks to those who tolerated my nonsense temper all this while. Thanks for not poking into my business even though you people are dying to know what has happened. Thanks for standing by me all this while.

Work + camp + results

An eventful day! =)


I was lazy & tired from the 9am - 10am series of camp trials the day before, so I decided to sleep in & step in to work 1 1/2hours later than usual. Not long after I reached, another fit of battle started its fire again. tsk tsk tsk...

After lunch, they had some fun activities like pool & darts competition. I didn't join in the fun, because I was slacking around, feeling sleepy after the full lunch. Meizhen & I did some sneaky stuff on our way to toilet while everyone was busy in the room. hahaha... nearly got caught in action! oops!

Anyway, it was some "Eat With Family Day", so work ended earlier than usual at 5pm. I totally felt that I got nothing accomplished at work when the day ended! Fridays seemed to be the slackiest day for me!

So me, Alisa, May & Carol went to watch "Night at the Museum 2"! =)

It wasn't that bad. At first, I didn't know what was going on when the movie just started, because I didn't watch part 1. So Carol, who was sitting beside me, explained to me what the tablet thing was about from the previous movie. The movie was quite interesting, even though I prefer Wolverine. It was quite draggy at some parts, and I think more action would be better. I don't know, but many people tell me it would be disappointing if I had watched part 1. Maybe I should really go watch part 1. Channel 5 would be telecasting it soon. =)

Now... About other things..

2nd week of camp trials has officially ended! Which means a full round of camp trials has ended too. Phew! Quite an eventful round of trials happening with many improvements & changed needed. I realized I haven't really been talking about camp trials a lot as there are other things that I didn't wish to talk about happening at the same time. Maybe I shall talk more about Round 2 when it comes. Round 2 of camp trials for each activity will begin next Tue, starting with Internal Hunt.

I've gotten back my result for 2008/2009 Semester 2 as well. I can't say I'm very satisfied with my results, but the grades are more or less of what I expected. I knew I would screw up my CS2100 grade, which is the grade I'm terribly upset with. I expected that D+ coming, but I still feel sad when I see it. I was doing fine at the borderline grade the whole semester, but I had to screw it up during the final paper. Even my CS1102, which I thought I might have failed, got a better grade. So pissed off with myself.

Well... At least I see the light in front of the IS major. =) CS2250 is the best grade I've gotten so far, and it's the module that I didn't even touch on until the last minute. I'm totally satisfied with CS2250. IS, here I come! =)

I guess I'm more tired than I expected.
Feeling unwell on & off, physically & mentally.
Didn't really recover totally from the week before.
I wonder if the "work, camp trial, work, camp trial" routine has taken a toll on me.
Or my mentality.

人群中哭着你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了你已经决定了
Until now, I never did get myself to finish reading that email. I know I should. Coz the length of it tells me how much things I am going to know. However, I really cannot bring myself to finish reading it without everything flashing in my mind at the same time. No matter it is good or bad for me, I know my tears will flow with it. I guess it is just not the right time, no matter who the email came from. As long as they hit on me on the same topic. I'm really so sorry.


你静静忍着紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下
密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割
I guess sometimes we just have to learn our lesson in the toughest way. Maybe not just once. But more than once to realize it is really wrong. However, sometimes when we finally learn our lesson, it is too late. The damage is already done. Not once, but twice. I guess most people care, but nobody noticed hard enough to realize it'll be repeating. Therefore, nobody held out her hand quick enough to prevent it from happening all over again. Even when it happened again, nobody took a hint at it. All they can interpret it as, is that my temperment and behaviour changed. Not until I have to open up my wound to show them before they can realize it actually hurts that much.

这世界笑了於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪
飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着
Nevertheless, I am very glad to have Ivalyn & Celeste around. Even though they are the people who can only do that much and only see things happen with me, they are the ones who make me feel slightly better. I know they care a lot, and they want to share every single burden of mine with me. They know when to talk & when to shut up. It's me who feel guilty towards them. I do not see the reason why they have to tolerate with my terrible mood and face everything with me. I destroyed their excitement & hope. But. Not once did they complain about anything. Instead, they are so supportive of me no matter what is going to happen & what is not going to happen anymore. Even if my decision is going to be wrong. Even if I'm going to give up on everything. As long as I feel better. I'm very thankful for everything they did for me.

Have been awake for half an hour. Couldn't get back to sleep. I know I should. Expecting a long & tiring day ahead.

Thinking what I was doing just before I went to sleep. I remember telling Ivalyn & Celeste I was feeling sleepy. I remember I struggled to keep myself awake, because I want to complete that post with everyone's message. I did. but with super mixed feelings. Keep asking myself why I am doing all this.

I know this is serious this time. How hard I really fall this time. I know I have a bad habit of feeling wanting to sleep whenever something bad happen. A form that my subconscious mind want to escape from the reality & just sleep through, thinking that the problem will be gone when I wake up once again. However, I'm actually wide awake right now. I guess it's a sign to tell me, it's time to face the bare truth & take action.

How stupid to force a smile on my face. Usually it works. But now, everyone can see it all over my face. So many people were telling me, don't think too much ok. I wish I can. I'm trying to. Feeling a bit dumb because I always fail to do so. What a terrible feeling.

I recall the phone call last night. I was actually comforting her not to cry. So dumb. All I could say is, don't cry. Really, don't cry. Pauses of silence in between. I know how terrible both of us felt. We really want to change the situation badly. I kept telling myself I cannot cry. I won't cry. I must hang on there. Now I feel so stupid. My eyes were wet when I woke up just now.

I feel so bad that I'm so distracted. I'm supposed to be concentrating on camp trials these few weeks, but I'm actually not paying attention much ever since I heard that news. And I guess I force Terence decide everything for me. When it's supposed to be both of us. But he seems like doing all the workload we're supposed to share. I feel so irritated by my own behaviour. I wonder how he tolerates me. Other FKCs are so nice to their MKCs. Except me.

I feel so selfish being so affected. One moment, I was so happily starting work with both of them last weekend. This moment, I'm actually stopping all the work we've done. Is it going to be period? I don't even know. I feel so terrible as a leader. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Perhaps I've just thrown their excitment & hope all into the drain just because I dun feel like it doing it anymore. All just because of me. What a lousy idiot!

Will we even have the chance to say what we want to say? Can we salvage what we want to in time?