Goodbye 2011.Hello 2012.

It’s time to say goodbye to Year 2011.

And welcome Year 2012.

 

It is the end of the year. I don’t really know how I really feel about Year 2011. I think 2011 has been very kind to me. And many major things happened, but I didn’t blog about them.

I remembered January 2011 was bad. Really bad. The first time I hated someone so much in my life. It spilled over from Dec 2010 to Jan 2011. It was a time I felt so stressed and just kept crying and crying. I totally felt lousy as a leader at that point of time. It was a major thing that I keep thinking back now and then if I have made the wrong choice to take up that responsibility. I do know I regretted not being able to have a good bonding with that particular group of people. It felt like a nightmare. But I have to say, it was memorable. It does mark a significant part of my uni life.

I remembered February 2011 Valentine’s Day. I spent it with my idol, JJ Lin. It was the first time I went on air at a radio station. I have a secret though. Haha… Even though my idol was sitting back facing me, I was goggling at the DJ who happened to sit directly opposite me most of the time. That was my fav DJ! Oops! It was a great experience really! :D

I remembered March 2011’s best part was JJ’s concert. It was awesome, as always. I liked it when he sang “Home”, totally melted my heart. And I did remember how crazy it was, collecting e great amount of money from members, hiding in Macdonald’s toilet counting money. And went alone to Unusual office to lug home 130 posters. Pretty crazy uh.

I remembered April 2011, a fabulous time where I had the best project mates in uni. I was really thankful and learned so much from them. It was 1 of the times I felt that I learnt something useful in my course. Even though I still didn’t get an A for that module, but I knew I put in my utmost efforts in it.

I remembered May 2011, where I have much doubt about myself. I went for so many internship interviews, but failed to get an internship opportunity in the end. It was an upsetting time because I wanted to do one during my last school holiday to gain some experience. It was a period of slacking before I finally gave up and found a temporary job in BHG.

I remembered June 2011 when I went to 30 hours Famine Camp for the 1st time. As a facilitator. I made great friends there even though we only bonded for a few days. We got to experience to be in the Dialogue in the Dark in NP as well. Dialogue in the Dark let us experience the daily life of a blind in a specific scenario, guided by a blind guide. I really have to salute the blind, I must say.

I remembered July 2011, the month I turned 23. I decided I wanted a simple birthday this year. And so, I went out with Ivalyn only. Kind of insisted she had to celebrate with me on the actual day. Because I wanted to spend my birthday with an important friend. I did spend my birthday eve with the same old group of friends, having steamboat and singing late night karaoke. Everything was simple, but great.

I remembered August 2011, it was the last semester of my uni life. Which is also the last phase of my education, for now. I told myself I had to cherish this last bit, because it is now or never. I also went for Singapop Concert with my balloted tickets. It was a concert about local music from the past until now. The best part was Kit Chan’s segment, forever touching.

I remembered September 2011 concert - 成名在望. It was a combined concert by 严爵，丁当and Magic Power. The concert’s turnout wasn’t that great, but the concert is definitely worth the ticket. I bought the Cat 2 tickets, but the seats were great and it was in Row 1. 2 of us even had the whole row to ourselves. I totally went high with MP’s high songs, touched by 丁当’s powerful voice and 严爵’s talented performance.

I remembered October 2011 concert as well – Kit Chan’s The Music Room. After hearing her sing at the Singapop concert, I totally could not resist but to buy the tickets to her concert. It was totally impressive, I have to say it was the best concert I went this year. No dance, no fanciful outfits, just pure singing. That was all it takes to be great. It was really an enjoyable concert.

I remembered November 2011 when I won tickets to watch SHA 2011. I can’t say much about the awards part, but I was there for all the great performances put up by the singers. I totally loved 胡夏’s 那些年! Talking about 那些年, the movie 那些年我们一起追的女孩 had be the best movie of the year! I watched it twice, and it was the first time I watched a movie twice. It was then I also went crazy to go buy the book and read it. I even went to the book autograph session. I have to say, I really like the author’s style. He’s not humble, but he’s definitely not proud.

I remembered December 2011, of course. It is ending in less than 2hours. I graduated. I went for a job interview. I landed in my current job. It seems like everything went in a flash. I got my final semester results the day before I started work officially. It sounded crazy uh. I was delighted, because I never dreamt to get an A in my uni life, which I did. It was funny because it was a module I felt totally helpless in it and had totally no clue what I was studying. But oh well… And JJFC gave a special Christmas gift this year – by giving back to the society.

I guessed I really summarized my whole 2011. 2011 is great, and I surely hope 2012 would be better! :D

My worries are short-lived.

My worries are short-lived.

So are my “Sleep, Eat, Slack” days.

I got the job.

I think I am very contradicting. As much as I want to find a job soon, I wish I do not have to start working so soon. A lot of my friends asked why I didn’t want to rest & enjoy myself for a period of time before I start to look for job. When you have no money, there are limited things you can do actually.

You can’t go on a holiday.
You need to think how much you’re going to spend on transport when you go out.
You need to think how long you can survive with the little amount of savings.

I’m very proud to say I’m not a spoiled child. I do not like to ask my parents for money whenever I go out. I think it is the type of upbringing that I have to thank my parents gave me. If you want to buy something, you have to earn it yourself. I know how much I should spend, and when I should stop splurging.

Even though that is the case, I think I still do not have a very good money concept. I do not know how to bargain, I’ll just pay what the price tag says. If I have enough to spend, I think I don’t need more money. Just like how many people are curious that my degree, especially in my major, it is 1 of the highest paying degree in Singapore, yet I could settle for a job that pays so much lesser. I don’t know. I think the pay is enough for me, for now at least.

I prefer to do something I like, at least for now that I’m young. I do not want to regret in life, to land in some job that pays much higher but makes me unhappy. Maybe I’m naïve. But that is what I want now. Do everything while I am still young.

Life is complicated

I don’t like graduation.

I wish I can be a student forever. Of course, that is not possible.

I’m totally not looking forward to working life. 9am to 6pm. No naps. No going out after lessons. Go home, dinner, rest a while, sleep, and begin the 9am to 6pm process all over again. Whenever I think of it, I feel that I’m going to lose my freedom. I

But everyone has to grow up. Study so much so that we can get a good job & earn enough money to spend & feed ourselves. feel so torn between wanting to study forever and wanting to step into the workforce. Life is always so complicated!

I really don’t know how I am going to fare in my interview yesterday. I think that I screwed it, as usual. The questions they asked are so specific, I don’t really know the exact answer they want. I thought I’ve spoken & explained enough, but they didn’t seem to know what I was talking about. I think sometimes, we have to tell little lies in interviews in order to score them. But I’m such a lousy liar. My mind works very slowly during interviews too. I tend to think more in Chinese, and then translating them into spoken English. Sometimes I just couldn’t translate it properly. I believe myself to be effectively bilingual, but it always fails me at the most important point.

They asked so specifically what my role as the Assistant Project Director in 1 of my CCA projects does. A few times. I totally failed in answering them. I mean, besides overseeing, I did almost every other minor things. Isn’t that what a APD supposed to do? Guiding the organizing committee on the right track, helping them to achieve KPIs, and almost covering all minor things if someone missed it out. Simply to say, I don’t really have a very specific role, unlike the other cells. Or maybe, I did a lot of things, just that I don’t recall the important things I did. Come to think of it, did I fail in learning in the project then? Because I don’t remember what I did exactly. They asked what I did on the actual day. The only thing I remembered, I was the timer to make sure everything runs smoothly on time and on track. But obviously, I can’t say that during interview. I mean, I can say it in a nicer way, but my mind just got stuck at the wrong time.

I don’t know. I hope I do fare well in the interview. I don’t dare to think about other things. I may be appearing to be happy & smiling in front of others nowadays, but I do have my worries on this issue constantly.

Graduation

This blog has been abandoned for a long time. But no, it has not been forgotten. It’s just that I’m too lazy/busy to update it. I’m sure nobody reads this blog anymore. But it doesn’t matter. What matters most is my memories kept here. I have not forgotten why this blog was set up in the first place.

This time, I have unofficially graduated from my university life. Finally.

It has been a long way. The love-hate relationship I have in my university life. Even though I may regret entering NUS to study Computing, but I never really regret entering NUS. I don't think I've learnt anything practical in Computing which will suffice my needs when I enter the workforce, but I've learnt much experience from other things I do in university. I think I'll really miss what I have in NUS. Afterall, I spent 3 1/2 years in this rather mad house. In this 3 1/2 years, it makes me realize I do not want to go into the IT-related field in the end. Luckily, I still know what I want to do.

I think I am quite a lucky person I discover what I really want to do after my education. Some of my friends still do not know what they want to do when they graduate. At least I've passed that stage and start aiming where I want to go after graduation.

I want to do something related to community service. I also want to do something to do with event management. With the combination of both, my dream job is to plan events to serve the community. I guess I'm just afraid I won't have time to enjoy volunteering after graduation as much as while I'm in university. Therefore, I think that's the best I get out of both wants.

However, knowing what I want and getting what I want is a totally different thing. I'm very afraid of interviews because I usually don't do well in interviews. I don't know, but I think interviews are not a real representation of me. I don't like and also don't know how to answer "what-if" questions. Solving real-life situation is not what you can think in 3 - 5 minutes. It is just like how some people who ace in interviews, but in actual fact, only their mouths are useful. Some companies ended up employing people who only know how to talk, but do not know how to act. I don't like to talk big or make empty promises. If it cannot be fulfilled in the end, why should the "what-if" question be answered in the first place. That is why after going for so many interviews, I still suck at them.

I guess now the pressure is looking for the suitable job and pass the interviews. And then, I'll move on to the next phase of my life.

Exam is over!

EXAM IS OVER! YAY!

This is the first time my exams ended so early – 1st week of the exam. How happy! I hope I can enjoy myself during the rest of the exam week! =)

Now that exam is done and over with, and then my facilitator camp interview came back positive… I still have 1 more thing in mind – internship.

I really hope I can get an internship opportunity this holiday! I had went to 2 interviews; 1 was rejected, 1 was still pending(I hope). Then, I was offered another interview this coming Tuesday! I’m really looking forward, yet nervous, for this interview. It’s an internship opportunity to do with event management + VWO! This is really something I want to do, at least while I’m still in school (last semester to go already!). While I wish my 2nd interview result will come positive, I still pray it’ll come later than this upcoming interview. I know I’m greedy, but I don’t want to have accepted the 2nd one when the 3rd one came out positive. How annoying that would be!

What is effort?

I guess nobody appreciates what others painstakingly built up from scratch. I’m sure everyone thinks the things were there because they are supposed to be there in the 1st place. They have never thought about who built them, they just live with them because they are already there. Have they ever thought about the consequences without them? No. They think they can do without them, because it does not seem to make a difference to them. They have never felt the impact they bring into their lives. In fact, somehow, some of them have become more of a burden to them.

Only those who have experienced those hard times know what everything meant to them. Those who make everything better because they know better what could be worse. These are the people who saw the progress and growth in what they have today. They are really proud of even the tiniest thing that contribute to today’s success. They have seen it, have felt it, have been touched by it. Seeing them is like watching your own kid grow healthy, jumping up and down.

But POOF! One word – everything is destroyed. Whose heart hurts?

Leave the creators to cry their hearts out. Nobody cares.

Capable? Or not?

What is the definition of capable?

A great leader who leads any team well?
A multi-tasking fellow who can handle so many commitments at once?
A person who holds high positions in every commitment?

I used to think that he is capable. But I don’t really think so now. I am doubtful of his capability in coping with what he has. I don’t really like to take “busy” or “stressed” as reasons. I mean like… how come I become the one who cleans up behind him? And I am the one who keep finding excuses to put in good words for him?

Honestly, I am quite stressed over this matter. When did it happen that I’m responsible for his incapable aspects? It has nothing to do with me. If I have any fault, it would be my fault I didn’t foresee many things & overestimate his capabilities.

支持偶像爱而不疯

 

小燕之夜 - 林俊傑

I watched JJ’s episode of 小燕之夜 last night, then I have some thoughts that ran through my mind.

Never knew that JJ’s brother is such a smart person & also a high flyer at the age of 32. Wow… No wonder he has been JJ’s role model since young. Trying so hard to catch up in every aspect as the younger one must be such a stressful thing to do. Especially when the brother is not average smart, but very smart.

That is not the main point anyway… I wonder if anyone thinks like me. What if JJ was as smart as his brother? His brother had most probably went to RI, and gone on to RJC, since JJ mentioned he went to the best school in Singapore. I have a lot of friends who follow the exact same route as their siblings, 1 by 1. In fact, I used to have a friend who was so stressed because her PSLE could not get her to RGS, which she could only manage to get in through her CCA. So I was thinking, as much as JJ tried to follow his brother’s footsteps, he could not get into RI, and subsequently RJC, that must be very stressful. But think again, if he was really smart enough to even scrape through to get into RJC instead of SAJC, he would most probably not become who he is today. Afterall, SAJC is part of where he discovered his interest in singing, his 1st opportunity to perform in public, etc… RJC might provided such chances for him, but most probably lesser than SAJC. And if he even graduated from RJC, he had probably placed more emphasis on his studies, because there would certainly be peer pressure to go on to pursue university education. I can’t say I totally understand the culture of Singapore JCs, but at least that is what I presume from observing my friends’ culture who went to different JCs.

That’s it. JJ is not the smartest lot that we have (still smart of course). But definitely, he has got great talent in his own ways, most importantly very successful in his career now. And we have our very own distinctive JJ Lin, our Singapore pride! =D

JJ “I AM” 世界巡回演唱会

Well…

JJ “I AM” 世界巡回演唱会 was FABULOUS!

 

Hahaha…. I don’t know how to describe it… But this is a few videos I took! You’ll get the feel of how wonderful the concert was. If you miss it, then you just missed a performance of a lifetime!

I like the 3D graphics effects! Very creative! The idea was awesome! Somehow, it’s a surprise, but you’ll expect this kind of effects to come out from JJ! JJ rocks man! Hahaha…

But then, something of a pity is that the music is too deafening! This was especially true during the more “high” songs when the music totally covered his voice! But still, woohoo!!!

I hate it coz my camera memory was full when I was recording “转动"! 1 of my favourite songs of all time & of course during the concert! =) It was like some sort of a milestone song for JJ! Super touching I think!

期待爱–This is the one where he said “JJFC!”, but a lot people didn’t hear him! haha…

 

Home–Omg… This is really the best “national anthem” of Singapore! =D

 

她说–Lovely… So nice…

It sucks to feel like this.

Hold it back.
It is difficult when the pain really sinks in.
But really hold it back.
Accept the bare truth and face the cruel reality.
It’ll be over before you know it.
The emptiness. The unknown anger.
The faith you chose to believe that never came.
You just have to believe that is what you get.

Hold it back & you’ll be strong.

Depicts my feelings indirectly.

“工作太密集的时候，就变成很多事情不能做到最好。自己有一段时间很暴躁。你自己做得不好，但你又知道自己其实可以更好，但又不知道该怎么做。身体出现问题，你只能去调理它，但也没时间去调理，就只能继续撑，再继续撑，再继续撑。。。”-JJ

I was reading this week’s i-weekly article that features an interview with JJ. This was his reply to why JJ needs a break after his concert. I think it really depicts how I am feeling (refer to previous post). =)

It is true I have a lot of commitments at 1 point of time. I was very temperamental during that period of time. In fact, I cried more so often that I got frustrated that I cried because I was frustrated in the first place. Even though a lot of people told me I have done a good job, but I always felt I could do better, or even think if I could do it another way over again, it would be much better than now.

During that busy period, I kept falling sick as well. I just couldn’t get well because I never get enough rest. It was a vicious cycle when you get frustrated when you’re sick, which lead to me being very hot-tempered than usual.

 

I think it is the same for me as it is for JJ. I love what I have done/am doing. But at times, it has been too much.

So I guess what I really need is just the same as him. A well-deserved break somewhere, to do something I really want to do. He’s going to get his soon, but when is mine coming, I wonder?

Am I tired of everything?

I have this sudden feeling of tiredness. Just want to throw everything aside and… do something I really want to do.

I don’t know why I have this feeling suddenly. Pretty mixed up yah?? Perhaps it is because I spent my weekend at home this week. It has been a long time that I have last went out with friends. Yes, I have been going out with friends, but mostly for a purpose. I guess what I want is to get out there to chill with friends, not conveniently going out with them because I need to do something first.

I know I want to do a lot of commitments that I had/have on my own accord. I want to accomplish many things that I haven’t dare to do so previously. It is a sense of pride. In fact, I do enjoy these commitments as much as I can. But I asked myself, did I just do too much that I can take?

To compensate for time loss in committing in what I have on hand, I have self-discipline of not going out on weekends whenever I can to make up for my studies. I need to have a rest after a whole week as well. But then, I feel lost.

I want to get out of the house with friends whom I really miss. Where are all the jokes and laughter I used to hear? You know… When I thought of this, the first person that comes to my mind is Alicia. Yes… Alicia… She laughs super loudly in public and sometimes it is so embarrassing. But yes, I missed her laughter seriously. I missed how lame we can get, how idiot we are, etc.

 

How I wish I can throw this feeling away. I want to be strong & cope with everything I have.

Long time no see! =P

It’s recess week!

I bet nobody comes here anymore. Afterall, how long I have abandoned this blog! Just lazy/busy to update it even though so many events and activities happened during this long period of missing in action on this blog.

Well… Let’s see… It’s… almost 3 months plus I haven’t been here! Haha…

As I said, it’s recess week! But still! There’s so much things to do! Projects, doctor appointment, work, interviews, etc etc.. It’s kind of endless I guess??

However, I guessed I’ve learnt a lot during this period of time! People seem to ask, how do you manage with all the stuff you have on hand? I don’t really know, I guess it’s just really learning about time management! 24 hours is fair to everyone, it’s just how we use it. I used to idle the same amount of time away, be it sleeping or staring right in front of the computer. However, with so much commitments on hand, I really made myself become more self-disciplined, making sure I finish the tasks I need to do.

Never mind if people do not believe you can do it, you have to show it to them, prove it to them they are wrong. I have done it! =D

During this 3 months, I have to admit, I didn’t have much time for many things. I coped with so many commitments, learnt to work with many different people. To be honest, I am amazed by my ability with managing at least 4 commitments at 1 go. I thought I would have forgo 1 for the other, but I’m glad I didn’t really done so.

And then, I thought I could manage in leading. But maybe I was wrong. Rather, I feel more comfortable being an assistant afterall. I don’t know how well I led, but I don’t really like it if I had a choice. Hmm…

Still, I have to say, much tears have been dropped during the recent period of time. Come to think back of it, I don’t know if it was silly at all. I cried at least once almost every week. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, seriously. I almost wanted to give up halfway. Luckily, I hung on until the end. However, the ending wasn’t quite pleasant in my opinion. Sometimes I will wonder if I could have done it better in a different way, how much I could have changed the situation. Is it worth the change? Do I have too much expectations that I disappoint myself so much?

Nevertheless, I only know 1 thing. I never thought I would hate someone so much after this. Yes, I’ve hated people before, but I don’t bear grudges after some time. But this time, I just feel that this feeling won’t go away. Whenever I see her, I just feel like walking away. I won’t forgive her for the damages she has done.

 

Anyway, on a happier note! I’m really glad everything is over. 1 good thing about her is, at least she made me feel appreciative about the people around me! Nobody could be worse than her! Oops!

Best & worst memories! I guess I have both! So I should be satisfied with what I have! =D