6 more days to CSC Day

6 more days to CSC Day itself!

The date is getting nearer. I really hope we can complete everything on time. Afterall, we've been working so hard for the past 2 months. I still remembered the 1st meeting was during reading week, and 1st progger meeting was right after my last paper. From strangers to friends. From gossips to HTHT. With all the emotions rollercoaster. I guess I will start to miss it once everything is over. It is really a great experience with bad and good things involved. At least I get to grow from it. I keep harping on the fact that I'm the "most hardworking programme assistant". Haha...

School started on Monday already. The going early to and back from school almost every single day in the holidays made it no difference for us. We realized we sounded super chirpy on bus 96 on Monday while everyone else was so quiet. Haha... Moreover, Monday is my free day this semester, so it didn't even feel like school had started for me that day. It's like home, clubroom, home, clubroom. Wonder if I'll miss the clubroom when everything ends. Haha...

Surprisingly, level 4000s modules ended super early for their 1st lectures. Super early as in, ended in less than 1 hour instead of the supposedly 2 hours. And there will not be tutorials for level 4000s modules. I asked Chris why, he said because most Year 4s need to do FYP, so there will only be mainly projects. Okay... I think I love projects more than exams..

And I have a level 3 module that has only 16 - 18 students! Afterall, we're the pioneer batch of guinea pigs for this module. Haha... There are pros and cons for a newly offered module. The pro is that our result will not based on the bell curve since there is so little students. Also, there is no worries about balloting for tutorial classes, because 2 classes are open for the 16 - 18 of us when a single normal tutorial class has more than this amount of students. Haha... The bad thing is, the lecturer gets to know everyone of us. During our 1st lecture, the lecturer gave out notes by calling out our names and pass it personally to each 1 of us. Omg right... Usually for big lectures, we had to go right to the front to get the notes ourselves. And why did I say it was bad? It was because, the lecturer would time to time call out to any of us to answer his questions. When I thought it was safe, I took out my handphone to sms Margaret about something before I forgot. Just when I was drafting the message, the lecturer had to call me! I didn't even know what he had asked la! That was like so bad!!!

I'm kind of fear math even though I know Mr Ng is good! He was as funny as he was in MA1301. But I think I forgot all my math, which is bad. Aahh... I hope I can cope with it. The module I fear most is this math module. Argh...

More props making coming up! After this week, I think I'll feel so lost & empty after busying for so many weeks.

Last weekend before school officially starts..

My energy is exhausting out.. I think the 2 PDs and all proggers are, most mentally and physically.

Anyway, there's nothing gonna do with CSC Day stuff for the rest of the entry. They are just about some other stuff I'm totally fed-up with.

I thought I would have settled much stuff by the night time. But some people just gave me nonsense to settle in the end. And the last thing I need is the person who is in the wrong to be so rude to me as if it is my fault she made a mistake on her part. Like excuse me?? As if I don't have enough issues on my hand to clear? I don't need that additional unnecessary one to occur.

And here comes another one who I have been waiting for the whole day, in the end, things are done half bucket. Should have just told me that much earlier. And just because of some mistakes I just realized, I have to backtrack everything and do it all over again from that time. All because I was absent.. But I'm not even excused for that.

东于哲。爱与不爱。宇中

“喂！你应该要对我的人生负责任啊。。
要不然我会白天吃不饱，晚上睡不着，尿尿会尿不出..”


Finally! I finished watching 《高校铁金刚》! =D Thanks to it, I kind of got out of my moody state. The show just makes me smile. The above line is said by Rynn in the later part of the show. The way he said it is super funny! Totally make my day! =D


And I finally found the 插曲, “爱与不爱"! I think it's super nice & touching. It's now 1 of my blog songs! Love it! I searched very long because I didn't know who sang it or what the title was initially. I guessed & tried looking for 东于哲's album, but apparently, it is not a song in their album. When I finally googled 1 line of e lyrics, I realized it was sang by Jack of 东于哲! Happy! =D

================================================

阿哲首次独唱的歌曲 『爱与不爱』,
这首歌曲也是《高校铁金刚》偶像剧里的插曲. :D


悄悄站在门外，
静静望着你发呆，
你闪烁的双眼...
看着一片海笑起来，
从来不对你说明白，
害怕你会被伤害...
也许我不应该，
站在这门外，
所以我们才默默分开...
当爱与不爱一样让人心痛，
我们都无话可说，
你现在的快乐，
不是因为我，
我很难过...
当爱与不爱一样让人心痛，
那就松开我的手，
故事走到最后，
期望你更好过，
请你忘了，
曾经有过...
当爱与不爱一样让人心痛，
我们都无话可说，
你现在的快乐，
不是因为我，
我很难过...
当爱与不爱一样让人心痛，
那就松开我的手，
故事走到最后，
期望你更好过，
请你忘了，
曾经有过...

================================================


I'm starting to fall in love with 东于哲 after the show! Haha... They're JJ's & Rynn's 师弟s from Halo Music.

And I think I'll start watching 逆风18 because the storyline seems to attract me. The stars in the show are Jack from 东于哲，CHIN and 钟欣怡 from 原来我不帅! Surprisingly, Rynn & Nicky Lee made guest appearance in the show! I got a shock for sure! Haha... Malaysia can produce better 偶像剧 than Singapore for sure! =D

I didn't go around wishing people Happy New Year.

I didn't reply some wishings that were sent to me through sms-es or msn-es.

I didn't set any new year resolutions for the Year 2010.


To me, it's just a step over from the Year 2009 to 2010.
It's not an end to my life. Neither it is a new beginning.
There is no difference when the clock ticked from 31 December 2009 to 1 January 2010.
Just like how the clock ticked from 30 December 2009 to 31 December 2009.
And also from 1 January 2010 to 2 January 2010.
In short, nothing really changes.


I really wonder what is the big deal of a new year now. We cannot predict what will happen in the new year. Things do not just change in the lapse of a split second from a change into the new year. People who were talking to me 10 days ago are still talking to me today, and I'm sure we'll continue to talk to each other in the next 10 days. It will never change the fact that a fall apart relationship will be placed back just because it is a new year.

I will still remember the things I'm unhappy about last year. As much as I wish my bad thoughts from the past year would be erased away from my memory in the past year, I guess it did not happen. Some things still remain unsolved. Some things might have changed.

To be honest, until now, I still doubt myself in trying to believe things would be better in certain aspects. I don't know why I have this fear, something that I wish I can get rid of. I'm not blaming you or anything, Ivalyn. But that post really struck me hard. No matter how much you may apologise, or how much I know it wasn't an intentional thing from you, I guess it is me who cannot overcome this mental obstacle ultimately. I begin to doubt myself really much. I didn't have much confidence in the first place, even if I appeared to be very confident in the things I do. I used to have great support from others, including trust that I needed, to boost that teeny weeny confidence of mine to believe I can do it. As time passes, I'm sure you also know that people around me have changed. Be it for selfish reasons, or be it for protecting themselves from conflicts, everything is not the same as what I have seen in the past anymore. There are so many things I know, I wished I didn't have to know. How some people can be friendly to one another, but once that person leaves our sight, the other person start telling me how hypocritical that person was to her just now. At least I still see my hope in you. Someone who has never changed despite everything.

Truthfully, my thought has been much shakened since last August. I was quite determined to leave very soon. It is not easy to stay in a place that had created much unhappiness for me. It is very easy to say I wanted to leave, because I do not have much sense of belonging left anymore. But I know you wouldn't leave everything behind, leaving thinking what otherwise is what we have once built together. It would be a pity right? I guess my sense tells me everything is different already, nothing left was what I wanted previously. I wanted you not to leave everything, but leave the ironic part of that aspect, and be as normal as before the time you know me. When I knew my hints weren't strong enough to make you leave as well, I knew I had to stay on. I feel responsible for who we are today. I really didn't want to re-build everything, partly because I was very tired of everything. Partly because I do not want to be disappointed all over again.

Another thing I would like to say is, I don't know if she still reads my blog, but I will still write it here. Maybe whatever I wrote in that email, it was only half the truth. The other half of the truth, is something I have never said before, as I feel that it is going to hurt some of you because of my own feelings. I want to be selfish for once, be it because I really want to be selfish, or be it I really still care. To Celeste. The other half of the truth is, perhaps I am jealous how close you have gotten with Ivalyn, which makes me feel unwanted in the friendship. I cannot blame Ivalyn or you for being so close for it was me who brought the 2 of you together. I didn't mind how close you were to Ivalyn, because it is your choice to decide how close you want to be, and who you want to be with. But I wasn't very happy because after you knew Ivalyn for some time, you really distanced from me. We used to talk about many things besides JJ, that made us so close. After you knew her, you confided in her for almost everything instead of me. Maybe Ivalyn is easier to talk to and she may give you greater response that you want than me. After a while, our conversation topic really become solely JJ, JJ, and JJ. I really hated the new friendship that we had created. You weren't the Celeste I knew previously anymore. If you remembered, I once told you how I had that strong feeling about me & Alicia's friendship won't last, and in the end we really quarrelled? Previously, I really did not have that same feeling for so long. Until that period of time. I guessed my feelings is like a natural disastor itself. It would be all sorts of calmness before the storm really arrives. I tend to hide my emotions so much I let them accumulate. But once it all comes together, it means an explosion in emotions that couldn't be controlled anymore. I didn't really want to say all this previously, because I was afraid that Ivalyn would blame herself for interrupting into our friendship or whatever. But really, it has nothing to do with Ivalyn at all, but how I feel abandoned in your friendship after you have a new person to confide with. I swear I have never intended to change your thinking because of me at all. But at the same time, I'm sure the same applies to me. Seeing how close Ivalyn & you are right now, I'm very glad and I have no more fears in saying all this anymore.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, 2010! =DD

Hello people!

It's 2010!



Happy New Year!



I have been really busy wif CSC Day VI. Even until the last day of 2009. But I really enjoyed participating in it, especially in the programme cell!

At least it is a promise that I finally kept to myself. And I will complete it!


I guess Year 2009 flew past real quickly and many things happened throughout the year.

I think the most significant thing that happen to me is how JJFC and the people in JJFC have changed in my life. It used to be a real enjoyment that I could give up almost anything for JJFC and my JJFC friends. Now I feel that it has become a commitment. I guess I have never openly talked about this before, so nobody really knows how I truly feel. I have no idea how much tears I have dropped in 2009 just because of it alone. Sometimes I think I'm just being silly.

To Alicia:
Thanks for being in my life once again. I guessed the both of us have changed a lot since the big quarrel. Even though I know we can't be THAT close than before, but I'm really glad we talk again. I feel that you've really matured a lot. I don't care how people may think that I talk to you after so long. I'm very happy that we can talk about those friendship stuff. I still want to go to your house to watch 小叮当 & 蜡笔小新 while doing puzzle! Sorry I have no time this whole December.


To Celeste:
I'm sorry that this kind of thing has to happen to us. Honestly, no matter what your decision is in the end, I'll gladly accept it. I guess I really cannot accept a friendship based solely on that person. I'm glad that he's the one who brought us together. But remember, he is not the one who bring us apart in the end. I know you missed the time when we were so close. I missed it too. I wish we are still so close. But I guess neither of us wish to make that first move. I really don't know how many times I cried because I was so heartless to bring this topic up & caused the drift apart in us. I guess nobody is at fault, it's just that we think differently. Maybe I have seen too many internal things that you didn't see, that is why I have the strong feeling that I don't want my friendship to be that way. Anyway, I truly hope that you'll do well in your Os. =)


To Ivalyn:
I'm really glad to know you in 2009. I'm really glad that we're still so close even after so many things that happened during this short period we know each other. Even though I always say you're dao or siao, I still love you!

Anyway, I was truly hurt when I saw that post. That night, I was really affected that I cried. Whatever I have typed in my LJ is true. You are the last person whom I expect to disappoint me. I don't know why, but this is the 1st time that I'm doing so many things for the sake of someone that I know I'll never do it for other people. I only know that whatever I went through, I want to make sure you'll not go through them again. Honestly, my friends told me so many times to just quit & be who I should be. But I'm very stubborn, because I know I want to be there for you always. Nevertheless, I guess no matter it is done out of frustration or unintentionally, what is done cannot be undone. I was never angry with you, so you don't have to be guilty over that issue. If I was, I guess I wouldn't even talked to you after that.

Anyway, no matter what you say, I'll still insist to be there for you. Because I want to. And I'll still continue to say you're so dao/siao, like WHATEVER! =P



Still, I'm very glad that many new people appear in my life, giving me great influence and changing my perception of how friends should really be like. Because of them, I really cherish friendship more than ever, and not neglect them like how I used to because I used to devote all my time to my JJFC friends only.

I'm glad that I have met 2 great leaders in different aspects. I'm not someone who is easy to be led & work with. I demand a lot & have high expectations of my leaders, I hardly deem my leaders as great most of the time. However, I can really say, these 2 leaders really gain my respect for them. I really enjoy working with them. Furthermore, I'm so willing to work anything for them without any complaints at all. Actually, there is another 1, but he is not my direct leader in some sense. I'm so honoured that I have the chance to work with these people. I'm sure I'll continue to enjoy working with them in this coming year. If I have the time, I'll blog more about them in my LJ. =D


And of course, I have made wonderful friends too, especially in E6. Though it wasn't exactly a good experience for me, but I can't forget about the nice people I get to know! =D Germaine Aiai, Wing, Yew Thong, Johnson, etc, etc.. And of course, there is obviously 1 person, whom I intend to leave out her name. But I guess I won't be so mean to do that to her! That person is none other than the SUPER naggy Leong Hui Ting! =D I don't when it begins, but apparently she is supposedly my lesbian right now. Hahaha!!! Okok, I must really thank her more than anyone else. I don't know why, but I guess I can safely tell her so many things. Even though we always suan each other, but I can really HTHT with her. I LOVE YOU, HUI TING! But stop nagging at me in 2010! Hahaha...

I'm glad I decided to join CSC Day VI after much consideration. Even though we get really busy, but it is a really great experience where I enjoy myself very much. Most of the OC members are fun to be with! Of course, I totally love being in the programme cell with all the lovely proggers, Zur, Michelle, JH & Hui Ting. I wonder if I will miss taking bus 96 to school with them & climb the long flights of steps to clubroom when everything is over. And all those jokes during props making. I guess we bond really well! As Michelle always says, we shall hang out together after the event. 23 days left to CSC Day VI! =D

Also, through E6, I've learnt how to cherish Acacia more. I guess it is really different being a freshie and a KC. Once a freshie, forever a freshie in Acacia. I guess 1 of the best times I had in NUS is with Acacians. I'll look forward for more outings with them! =D


OKAY! I think I have typed enough! Time to go to bed! Hope it'll be a great 2010 ahead! =DDD