“现实真的很现实。。 昨天几个人说的一些话和关心，让我感觉很温馨。。 但是，这些人里面，没有一个是我所谓的好朋友。。 这就是现实。。 至少现实不是残酷的，它让我看到那些真正关心我，就算我什么利用价值都没有，给他们添了很多麻烦，都会一直在我身边陪着我的人。”

I thought I was brave enough to handle everything. I guess I wasn't at all.

I am sick.
I am weak.
I am stressed.
I am at my most vulnerable state.
And I cried.

What makes me cry..
It is not how I realize how practical some friendship has become.
It is not how I am disappointed at some of my so-called good friends.
It is not how I convince myself these friendships are not worthy at all.
It is not how I tell myself I can live without them anyway.


Then I get to understand...
The word, "friendship" has to be re-defined in my life.

It was when I realized, the people who are most concerned about me, are the people who will not come to my mind immediately. We aren't the closest that I would have thought of. But they're are the ones there for me in the end. I didn't share my joy with them, but they share theirs with me. I gave them tons of shit to handle, yet they are the ones who tell me not to worry about them, but the most important thing is to get well soon. When they know I feel bad about something, they assure me so many times that everything is fine.. I feel so comforted.. I feel the warmth that I know I'll never ever get from my good friends anymore.

It was when 1 of my juniors came & tell me something simple, and that was what evoked my tears. The most simple way of showing concern. And all the sms-es & msn messages that came through yesterday. They make me realize I still have so many friends who will be there for me no matter what.

I will not complain how none of these people are my good friends anymore.
It is not important to me anymore.
It is more important to be satisfied with the warmth I get from the friends who truly care.