The stressful week is not over yet!

Later I have to go back to school to finish my CS2106 lab.. So dumb.. We have to use OS Lab PC for the final lab exercises. Wth... It's a waste of time! And then my GEK1047 group mates are meeting in school at 5pm as well.. I don't even know if I'll be staying over in school tonight.. If I ever get to finish my lab that is...

Well... At least CS2261 Assignment & CS3361 Assignment have been done! Although CS3361 assignment was postponed last minute to next week. And it'll be onto CS2105 programming assignment! Haiz... It's rush hour man...



I guess it's a good thing that I get to see & realize a lot of things for these past 2 weeks. Some truths hurt, but it's good to see it early.. It's time to let go some things.. There is no point grabbing on tightly to certain things that may fall apart in the end.

“现实真的很现实。。 昨天几个人说的一些话和关心，让我感觉很温馨。。 但是，这些人里面，没有一个是我所谓的好朋友。。 这就是现实。。 至少现实不是残酷的，它让我看到那些真正关心我，就算我什么利用价值都没有，给他们添了很多麻烦，都会一直在我身边陪着我的人。”

I thought I was brave enough to handle everything. I guess I wasn't at all.

I am sick.
I am weak.
I am stressed.
I am at my most vulnerable state.
And I cried.

What makes me cry..
It is not how I realize how practical some friendship has become.
It is not how I am disappointed at some of my so-called good friends.
It is not how I convince myself these friendships are not worthy at all.
It is not how I tell myself I can live without them anyway.


Then I get to understand...
The word, "friendship" has to be re-defined in my life.

It was when I realized, the people who are most concerned about me, are the people who will not come to my mind immediately. We aren't the closest that I would have thought of. But they're are the ones there for me in the end. I didn't share my joy with them, but they share theirs with me. I gave them tons of shit to handle, yet they are the ones who tell me not to worry about them, but the most important thing is to get well soon. When they know I feel bad about something, they assure me so many times that everything is fine.. I feel so comforted.. I feel the warmth that I know I'll never ever get from my good friends anymore.

It was when 1 of my juniors came & tell me something simple, and that was what evoked my tears. The most simple way of showing concern. And all the sms-es & msn messages that came through yesterday. They make me realize I still have so many friends who will be there for me no matter what.

I will not complain how none of these people are my good friends anymore.
It is not important to me anymore.
It is more important to be satisfied with the warmth I get from the friends who truly care.

I seriously hate myself for being sick twice in just a week.

I'm supposed to be at T.H.E. Seniors MAF and Training Workshop now, but here I am blogging about how much I hate myself. I feel so bad for not being able to be there, especially there will be so many things to deal with today since it is a special event celebration. There's so much I wish I can do today, but I totally hate myself for being sick at the wrong time.

I'm not that sick enough to lie in bed the whole day, having no energy to do anything at all. But I chose not to go because I must think of the welfare of the elderly. I don't want to pass my sickness to them. But yet, I can't do anything for the comm when I know we're all going to need a lot of help and support from one another since this is the 1st special event planned by the new comm.

I think I'm such a lousy vice. Forgetting to collect the canned food. Letting others collect mooncakes on my behalf. Unable to give clear answers to the new comm even though I've been in T.H.E. Seniors for a year. Is that the best I can do? Being sick is not an excuse for shirking responsibilities. I'm sure I can definitely do better than this.

I hate myself right now, this moment.

We had our 1st comm general meeting yesterday! It was fun, especially with Wynne around being so thick-skinned most of the time. The rest of them had fun either shooting her back, or totally "ignored" her. Haha... I'm glad that the 2 guys are easygoing as well, even though their job scope seem to "grow" after we combined their Welfare/Publicity roles and have both of them on the job. Even though they're all very new, but I'm confident that they'll do a great job for the year! Praying hard for outings soon after exams! =D


I felt so accomplished yesterday as well! I forced myself to complete my CS2105 assignment 3 that was due today. I had like 3 hours after lessons in school since I had to wait for the rest to have our meeting at 6pm. Time flies even when you're working hard! I was really concentrating on doing my assignment the whole time, I didn't even realize the time. I even got started on my CS2261 assignment! Now I'm a happy girl!


But then again... Monday is never a good day for me. It's the day I have to run around for different tutorials even though the hours are short. And I guessed I didn't really rest well the day before, and being so hardworking throughout the day, I got home with a headache. I thought it would be gone after a good night of sleep. I had no idea when was the last time I went to sleep at 11pm. But still, I woke up at 2am & 4am respectively, the typical me who can never sleep for more than 5hours straight properly. Anyway, my headache would usually be caused by fatigue, and be gone after I sleep.

However, not this time round. It was quite terrible, especially with the hot weather today. It wasn't so bad in the morning, but got worse by the day. Luckily I sms-ed in to say I won't be going to work. Seriously, I think it's his luck for employing me! Haha...

Oh well... I spent my supposedly working hours sleeping, and yet my headache didn't go away. Totally feel like dying.. But still, I still need to continue to do my CS2261 assignment. It's not difficult, but it's very tiring doing so many things for it.. T.T

Purple is love! =D

This is my new purple jacket. It's much nicer in real life! Somehow, it looks like the purple metallic balloons I had during my birthday party here. But it's not even really like that! Haha... It's so chio!

And this is the SMG purple cap that I requested IvalynLJY to buy for me today! So cool too!


So I met up with Ivalyn at Tanjong Pagar on my way home to get it for her & pay her. Ivalyn said she was bored waiting for me, so I kept making her guess whether I was on the train already. Haha... After that we took the green line heading towards Pasir Ris to go home.

We had a small argument whether she should alight at Raffle Place or City Hall to head back to Ang Mo Kio. Ivalyn insisted that it should be City Hall, because she had taken it SO MANY TIMES. In the end, I won! Haha... I bet she enjoyed taking the escalator to the platform to change train at City Hall. BLEH! =P

I shall go and do my lab soon! There's T.H.E.S tomorrow too! =D

I think I'm the laziest person on earth.

I invited myself to contribute to this blog because I don't want to keep signing in and out of gmail whenever I login to blog. Haha...

I force people who borrow my laptop to use gmail to use Google Chrome because I don't want them to sign out my personal gmail in Firefox and an important email in I.E..




Sometimes I wonder if I'm a Leo. Sometimes I think I'm definitely a Leo too. I think I'm confused by myself. Haha...

A Leo is supposed to be born as a leader. Does preferring to perform tasks as an assistant leader considered a leader? I mean, a Leo is supposed to be very strong in leadership, so they will want the top position to leading. But for me, I don't mind running a leadership position, but if I have the choice, I want to have a leader on top of me & run around my leader assisting him or her. I don't know, but I really love assisting jobs! I don't want to take the main leadership role in JJFC website team, I'm enjoying myself as the vice in my RVP, and I always tend to apply assistant positions in SPs. What's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be a Leo right? Hmm...



5 people actually didn't recognize me in school today because I tied up my hair! Then again, it's not the 1st time I tied up my hair in school what. I've tied a few times since the last few weeks. I just feel that my hair is too messy sometimes as it grows longer now, so I've decided to tie it up. I know it looks like 草 now, but I refused to cut it! My hair is rather thick, so the hairdresser always like to 修薄 my hair, which leads to my hair in different lengths. They always do horrible things to my hair. If I cut now, some of my hair will 翘 at the weirdest length. Maybe I should grow a little longer until the shortest part grow beyond the 翘 stage as well.



Ohh! I bought a super cool purple jacket just now! It's all Anna's fault! She wanted to look for a particular type of skirt but those in BHG are so expensive! So I brought her to Bugis Street to buy. In search for her skirt, it was so tempting to buy that AA jacket. I was hesitating so long to decide if I should buy the black one or the purple one. I knew I should stop filling my wardrobe with purple clothing. But! The purple jacket is so tempting that I ended up buying it in purple again. Haha...

And my Betwo loots arrived! I'm so happy! 2 2-piece dresses, a skirt and a pair of shorts! I love 2-pieces! And that's why I love Betwo, because they sell so many chio 2-pieces at cheap prices. And why people don't believe I have dresses & skirts at home? I do have quite a number of them! It just that I don't wear them for you all to see, because I love shorts more. Haha...

Okay, then again.. I'm broke. Haha... I want year-end bonus. And my boss says, "zx is nice, can give a bit". I shall keep my msn history as proof that he said that before. Haha!!!

If you think our friendship can wait, then you're so wrong.
I've already moved on..
Time waits for no man.
Waits for no man to catch up what you called friendship.
I've tried, but you haven't..
You can take your time to make your decision.
But remember.
You've lost me as a friend.

Mugging in process.
Mugging about process.
I'm like so lost in Operating Systems..
AAHH...

Every little thing is worth to be happy about.

Why should we follow what others do?
Why should we have what others have?
Why are we always trying to compare with others?


I guess I do compare a lot about my friends too. And I do make different opinions of my friends as well. That is why different friends stand different positions in my heart at different times. I know I have got closer to some of them. And I have drifted apart from others as well.

Sometimes I wonder.. Is it me who choose to drift apart from these friends? Or is it them who choose to drift apart from me? Or... Is it me who choose to drift apart from them because I think they have drifted apart from me? I think I think a lot at times. I have no idea why.


What I don't understand is.. Why are some people unhappy about my decisions in life? They do not show it directly, but I can sense it, to the extent that I actually feel uncomfortable being around. I mean, if I'm happy, they should be happy for me too. Even if I disagree how some of my friends live their life, I'll still wish them the best. There is no right or wrong in life. It doesn't mean that if I change, I am not your friend anymore. I really don't like people judging my life, especially people whom I used to be or are still close to right now. What makes people think I'll be happier if my life has never changed in the way it does right now?


If you ask me, I'm very happy with my life right now.

I have a heavy commitment in my CCA that takes away my time & energy, but I have a supportive leader. I'm very proud to have her as my chairperson. Despite her busier schedule than mine, she does not push everything to me. Forgetfulness is her nature, and I try to accommodate with it. I know she doesn't forget a lot things on purpose, but she really has too many things to remember. As the vice, I try to lighten her workload in the areas that I can. I know there are many things that she could just ask me to do, but she doesn't take advantage of me. There are times where I made mistakes out of carelessness or thoughtlessness, she took responsibility of them & did not push it to me just because I was the one at fault. She apologizes so many times whenever she is late, and not act like nothing has happened. She includes me in leading, not because she is lazy to do it, but I just feel that she recognizes me as her vice and just want to involve me into the process.

Who am I to deserve such respect from her? I've learnt from many events that being the vice is not easy. The leader & the vice usually do not share the same status as the leader is always the one with more authority power. But this is 1 of the few times that I do feel that she makes it no difference between me & her. She doesn't feel that I'm overtaking her position whenever I try to help or remind her, neither does she exclude me in any important decision making.

Moreover, I feel very happy being in my RVP. It does takes up my time & energy. But it is the smiles and happiness you see in the elderly in return that makes you smile too. Sometimes, we just have to think it in a different way. We help them by paying visits to them and keep them company. In return, it's the elderly who help us in learning about many things that we have taken granted in life.

I have a part-time job that pays peanuts, but I have a fabulous funny boss. I'm not kidding that my job really pays me that little and the even more little amount of hours I put in each week, I'm very certain it doesn't really make a difference in keeping up with my expenditure at all. I do complain that my job is tedious and get scoldings from clients all the time, but I'm actually beginning to enjoy my job. I guess it's partly because I do not work under much stress and I'm a rather tolerant person when it comes to be being scolded by strangers.

I do not work under stress because my boss doesn't demand of me. It does sounds weird, but it's really true. He always hopes for me to work longer hours, but he doesn't force me to if I don't want to. In fact, I choose my own working hours. It's almost as if like I come & leave whenever I like. It is quite amazing he doesn't question about my work ability as well, precisely the very reason that I know I'm not performing at all myself too. I haven't been working very long for him, but he already trusts me a lot. I do not have a timesheet, and I do not have to report when I reach or when I leave. He doesn't take notice of how many hours I work, he just believe whatever hours I say whenever he gives me my pay. Of course, I don't cheat him right. I'm an honest person as well. =D

What else can I request in my job? It's already very funny of my request to wear shorts to work. The answer is actually, "Why not?" okay! I'm not surprised! Haha... That is why there are the reasons why I'm willing to help him to ask about so many things in my CCA. He doesn't demand, he requests. So... Now everyone knows he is rich. Haha...


Lastly, I have many supportive friends who gives me all the encouragement that I could have. They have helped me learn about so many things that I don't used to know. The encouragement they give me, is all the courage that I need. I never know that I can do so many things that I'm taking up now, which I always think they are impossible for me. They are the ones who make me believe I'm possible. Without them, I'll always feel so lousy like before. These are the friends who are ever so willing to help me, no matter if I succeed or fail. I'll always remember the small details of my strength that they pay attention to that I do not even notice myself.

If I never try, I'll never know.
If I never try, I'll never succeed.
If I never try, I'll not even have the chance to think it will happen.
If I never try, I'll not be the one who is standing in front of you right now.

I seriously think I'm e evil twin of my boss born 5 years later.


I'm a joker. My boss is a joker too. I always think I'm the only person who loves to spell my name backwards. He does it too. And I always find some of his replies to me funny, though I will only laugh secretly. Oops!

Seriously, having a young flexible boss rocks! I totally hate my previous boss! Perhaps it's the comparison that makes me love working for my current boss. I was doing my reading on "Managing Your Boss" the night before. I fit into most of the descriptions of the counterdependent behaviour type of employee. It means my boss has to be a very, very good leader to me, otherwise I'll resent the fact that they are unsuitable to be a leader.

"A counterdependent person is difficult to manage..."
"... apt to have even more trouble with a boss who tends to be directive or authoritarian"
"When acts on his or her negative feelings, often in subtle and nonverbal ways, the boss sometimes does become the enemy."
"is often a good manager of his or her own people..."
"will many times go out of the way to get support for them and will not hesitate to go to bat for them."



Okay, I must remember I owe my boss $5 because both of us had no change. I'm sure I'll forget about it. Someone please remind me! =D


Oh yes! The best thing about my boss is, He says JJ is good! =D And so, I've willingly lent him 4 of my JJ albums! It's nice to share JJ's music to people who appreciate JJ's music!

I am very very pissed off!
I was very angry... When I saw that...

I'm not sure what I am angry with..

I already don't like that fact. So I don't even talk about that with her.
Please don't ask me why.
Now I think she copied off my idea. I wish I can believe it is coincidence. But I don't think it is.

It is not that I don't like her to copy me. But I just don't like what was copied into it.

Excuse me, if you look at mine, it's 3 dreams. But what she put into her, it's a piece of J**K! Totally destroy my whole image of the dreams. Yucks!
Only one person knows what I'm talking about.
I'm not angry with her. I just don't like that J**K.. As her friend, I wish I can do something about it. But sometimes, the truth hurts. It hurts so much that it is so unbearable to break the truth to others. Even though I have not seen that J**K before, but from the many things we see, we can see he's a real disgusting childish J**K! Because I showed it to her just before what was done.

Seriously.. What a joke!

I went singing KTV! =D


It's been a while ever since I went for KTV. Not as if I'm a frequent k-ster. But as compared to the number of times I've went during the last long holidays, I really missed singing so much! This was the 1st time I went singing since school started.


Singing is FUN!


Look what school has done to me. 1 test, 1 paper, 1 assignment, and 1 lab practically took my soul away. I've been sleeping lesser and lesser as everyday passes. It is kind of hectic and crazy already even though my timetable is supposed to be slack. I seriously need proper time management!


A few interesting things have happened over the week and I'm very pleased with every single one of them. They shall not be named. Haha... They are getting more interested by the day as well. I totally live on them! =D

Purple is love! =D

Purple is such a tempting shit!



I was spreeing and I wanted to get everything in purple because everything looks nice in purple! I think if you open my wardrobe, the main colours are black, white, and purple. Haha...

I'm so tempted to buy these cute socks, especially those purple ones.. Any idea where I can get them??




Huilin was exclaiming that I'm famous in school. People that I don't know, or do not know me in person actually know who I am. "Oh! That girl in purple right?" Oh my! I don't even know other people will notice me because I wear purple. I mean, I don't even carry a purple bag! And they can't see the things in my bag what! Lol... Somemore I go for lessons and go home right after lessons. I don't even hang out much in school. =.=

Anyway, I exclaimed at the amount of stationery I have at home! 1 set for school, 1 set for working at home. I never realized that I wasted so much money getting new ones, not knowing I actually have so many old ones left. I guess it'll be a long time before I visit Popular again. Haha...





And this is the chio purple HD leather casing I'm talking about! Great buy! =D (My brother says it looks like a wallet though, I wish I have a new purse that looks like that too! =D)


Here's my super chio purple hair rubber band! It's super cool ok! When I bought it, I thought there were many thin pieces inside. I don't like thin rubber bands because I need to use 2 to 3 to hold up my rather thick hair. Somemore, I tend to lose them easily when I have too many pieces. But I still bought it anyway, because it looks so chio in so many shades of purple. In the end, I realize it's a 1-piece! (I twisted the piece into 2 rounds in the picture.)




Anyway, I think the only thing I'll score distinction in NUS is screwing up my tests/exams. CS2105 test is relatively easy, just that there's too many Ms to remember & I always mix them up! QAM, PAM, PCM, DM, FDM, TDM, etc.. You see what I mean? How I wish I can die doing assignments after assignments without tests/exams torture!

The only M that I'll gladly remember for life is Money!

Oh well.. The test is over.. I'll be glad to touch on my CS2105 assignment & CS2106 lab tomorrow later. Hopefully I can finish them by Tuesday so I can go KTV with "I can't live w/o KTV" gang..

Week 8 is e-learning week! A much relaxing week with all the tests/assignments clearing off before they start piling up to due again in Week 10/11. I seriously think I need to buck up soon.

I think I just feel damn guilty about changing my work time and hour over and over again! Haha... Who the hell would stand your employee to come & go as they wish, and informing last minute again that she'll be late or even not going anymore? Only Jack does, I think. Haha! Okay, I still feel damn bad about it myself because I don't really like getting used of taking advantage of his flexibility. If I ever get used to it, I think I'll be so dead in the future. Boo...