JJ, Rynn & Ethan! *drools*

Now I can start staring at these gorgeous guys & drool over them when I come to my blog!


I wanted to find a nicer picture of JJ in red! But that's the closest I could get! Hmph!

I know I'm supposed to be mugging...
But I can't resist myself for looking at cute/shuai guys!

I don't care if the red doesn't fit into the purple background.. But I think it'll look so much nicer than the 3 of them wearing purple with a purple background. And I think I'll have a harder time finding Rynn in purple than I find JJ wearing red. Hahaha...

And I think I'm too obsessed today! I'm in an especially good mood today, which I don't know why! Hahaha...

Self-entertaining is PRICELESS!

1 more day!

I saw a lot of people yesterday.

I saw 蔡丽莲 & her husband.

I saw 周崇庆.

I even saw my primary school 华文老师！

So cool right!

I think Rynn should quit acting and start singing again! Hahaha...

Okay, I've once again come to the stage of 自言自语 a lot. This usually happens when mugging starts to get intensive. Woah...

Self-entertaining is PRICELESS anyway!

Yay! I finally finished my lab! Though it's like 4am in the morning now? Haha...

Gosh... I can't believe I'm waking up at 8.30am later.. Where is my sleep? And my mid-term break just ended like that...

T.H.E.Seniors... Here I come later! =D

答案已经很明显了。。 相信是伸手可得了。。 只是在不久的将来，大家愿意相信事实，还是相信我变了。。

渐渐的，我真的不了解了。。 就连最后一个我愿意去相信的，也一样忘记了我。。 我们约好的，你们还记得吗？ 算了。。。 昨天，已经证明了。。 昨天发生过了什么，可能没人知道，也没人想起。因为他们都忘了有这么一回事。。

以后，想起我的时候，是朋友？还是理所当然的存在？ 我真的不知道。。

我现在想相信的，是我重新的选择，不会再错了。。之前握紧的，是该放下了。。 以前不珍惜的，应该把握了。。 从前失去过一次，不可以在遗忘了。。 我想。。。 是时候了。。

To be honest, I'll really miss Anna.. Because I have nobody to talk a lot, a lot of rubbish to until the end of September. Nobody to keep my mind away from all the things I do not want to think about anymore.

I met Anna for dinner yesterday! =D

I waited for her while she packed her things. When she was supposed to end earlier than me! Haha... We decided for very long & decided to go Far East Plaza in the end. During dinner, we talked about a lot of things that she was dying to know for the past few months. Okay, I kept my promise to say once everything was over that time, and I did! I guessed a lot of things didn't ended in the way I expected to be. Or it did, in the worse way, that I predicted differently way before. I know how I am myself, so somehow, it ended in the other way afterall.

Anyway, we went shopping & crapping after dinner! Anna was looking for hoodie, but couldn't find them anywhere. Haha! When she walked me to the bus-stop in front of Lucky Plaza, we saw a little girl wearing a hoodie! So funny! A few distance away, we saw another girl wearing! Haha... But still, Anna still couldn't find any hoodie around..

Today... I actually travelled the whole journey to school just to run some errands. I was supposed to make payment for my course in the Undergraduate Office. So I 顺便 brought my laptop to school to print notes. In all, I spent only like half hour in school? When I spent like 3 hours travelling. Oh gosh... On my way home, I went to collect my loots that I didn't manage to collect yesterday. I like all of them! Though I would prefer 1 of them to be the green shirt I wanted initially. And I have a purple polo tee now! So happy! I think my wardrobe only has white, black, and purple mostly.. Haha...

I talked to Anna a lot, a lot recently. When I feel troubled, I tend to talk to 1 single person a lot, a lot. Even though I think Anna doesn't even know that. Thank goodness we're both as nonsense as we can be.

To be honest... How I feel now is not really caused by just 1 person. Many things just happened... over time. I guess there's 1 particular person who knows a lot, a lot. I've been saying a lot about how I feel before I really let it all out now. Even though I talked to Alicia & Anna, I didn't tell them exactly everything.

I won't say it's anyone's fault. If there is, it would be me. I'm not angry with anyone. I'm just upset & disappointed about how things has become to be. It isn't the same. Some things last, some things just changed. The changes may not be obvious to others, but they greatly affect me. And if they do not affect me, it means they are not important to me at all.

I don't wish to quarrel with anyone. That is why I choose to remain silent & not talk about anything. I know how I don't like the things that I see as they are, but I know that is how others live their life as well. I can't force anyone to change just because I don't like it. The only thing I can do is, I choose to leave it. But I know by making that choice, I make everyone unhappy. I wish I can make it better in some ways. But just like how I should not force others to change their way of life, I don't think I can change how I feel too.

It's hard to choose in life. While I get close to 1 group, I neglected the other group. I always try to tell myself sacrifice for some is necessary & no choice because I indeed do not have more time than I could have to keep everyone company no matter how much I wish to. So I try to convince myself that sacrifice must be worthwhile & I'll never regret them. Sometimes I really hate myself for that. Is it me who always make the wrong choice? The groups that I always choose to neglect always end up being the groups that gives me all the support I can have & never ever leave me behind no matter how badly I treated them. Acacia is like that. ZARA LB is also like that. I want to cherish them in every way I could by making way through all the times I can find for them, even if it means giving up others. Until now, I still haven't manage to make it possible for ZARA LB.

Shower & refreshed! =D

OH!

I remember I still have some stuff to do for T.H.E.Seniors! I shall go do it now before I forget again! We have so much to do! But I still enjoy it! =D

I think I'll most probably give up my other commitment at the end of the year then.

Thank you Alicia! I will try to. =)

1 of my sprees arrived on 090909! I didn't even know until today! It's the fastest spree I ever joined la! 2 weeks only! Considered super fast for a taiwan spree. Thanks Froggie for asking me to do the bank transfer for her! If not, I wouldn't even realize that I've received a PM. Haha... It's kind of dumb still, because I could have collected them when I collected Wawa's loots the other day. Now I have to go back tomorrow on my way. Boo... I'm sure I'm the most regular visitor at the spree organizer's house. Haha... Nvm... I like.. She has a purple door! Haha...

And I love flooding Anna's msn by talking to myself a lot when she's idle/busy/offline! I've been doing that a lot recently! Haha... Only Anna can stand me doing that! I would like to do it on ZA's msn too! But I realized she always never receive, so it's not fun at all.

Anyway, I realized I made an appointment on behalf last week without realizing it's public holidays today. Oops! It's so funny thinking that none of us realized though! Haha!!! Oh well...

It doesn't matter, does it? It seriously doesn't matter.. I just have to continue talking to people who love me. Just when I was typing that post yesterday, 1 of my freshies came & talk to me. Out of the blue. Nonsense in particular. But I enjoyed it. It warmed my heart.

Yet today, something I said about on that post happened again. Am I that of a person for someone else to get used to asking requests for? And only solely for that purpose that I remain as time passes? I don't mind helping depending on what & how things turn out to be. Just like I don't mind helping Froggie just now even though I had to go through all the way of retrieving some info & spending some time, even when I was ready to go out.

Do you know? Actually I love my Tuesdays & Thursdays a lot. I look forward to having lunch with Wawa & Angela for that 1 hour, talking nonsensical stuff, talking about CS2105, making jokes, etc. I look forward to lunch again on Thursdays with Wawa, and sometimes JW outside school because we hate the 12pm crowd. Wawa sometimes asks me to help her for a favor, and I'll always help her. But I think I trouble her more than she trouble me. Who would go all the way to find my favourite purple jacket when I don't even know where I lost it? Who would run all the way to LT15 to pass me CS1102 text just because our timetable clashes? Yet, never once did she grumble about all these nonsense of mine. I seldom show my gratitude to her at all, but I'm really thankful in my heart. That is why I remember everything. I just don't say it. Even though sometimes her face seems to be very sian, but of course I know she's not sian about me! =) Continue to have lunch with me on Tuedays & Thursdays okay! =D

It's the mid-term break! Finally...

I finally have the time to idle my weekend away to sleep & watch my jap dramas.. The feeling rocks..

Oh well... Of course.. I'll have to get myself back to mugging tomorrow. It's not supposed to be a nice break anyway. It's just another more relaxing week for us to catch up on what we've learned so far before torturing us further for another 6 or 7 weeks. After that, it's all the mean mid-term tests to test us about things that we don't even get it from the beginning. University life is a vicious cycle where we pay to torment ourselves to death.

NUS is having e-learning week in Week 8. It is supposed to be some measures put against unexpected circumstances like H1N1 where we can't get out of home to attend school. NUS is so slow can? We had it in SP since I was year 1 or 2? That was like how many years ago? And it's quite dumb the way conducted by NUS, as we're still supposed to go back for tutorials/labs. It's like wth?? Why can't they have it full-fledged like SP does? You mean we still have to go for tutorials/labs when some terrible stuff strike us again? Then there's no point at all! It would be the same as me ponning lectures and watch webcast at home. =.= How dumb!

Okay, my life was super hectic for the past few weeks, on the verge of falling sick a couple of times. University life really stretches my limits to the maximum I guessed, both physically & mentally. Time management is really important, looking at the way I planned my schedule for the past few weeks. At least I've learnt it well, even though killing myself badly at some points of time. I should be proud of myself. Planning ahead allows me to complete my lab/assignment/reponse paper way ahead of time, which will never happen to me in SP. =)

I have to thank Nicholas for giving me a lot of help in my lab. I was sure I was spouting nonsense most of the time when asking him questions. In midst of being busy at work, he still willingly tried to help me to his best even though he needed to take a lot of time trying to figure what exactly I do not understand. I'm so glad to have known such a senior. Of course, I do get some appropriate help from 2 others to be able to complete my other assignment, really thanks for all that. I think these people are really great because they have to handle a great deal of my nonsense to make sense of what I tried to ask them. =D I think I'm being annoying most of the time, but they still don't reject to help me at all. And also! My GEK1047 presentation went well I think? I guessed I hit on a vital point of the reading which my lecturer was quite satisfied with. I live a happy girl. =D

Hmm... Monday was my most hectic day! It was the day that killed me after that, which led to my really short-temper the next day because I was totally tired out. Mondays are usually my most busy days because it's the only day I have to run most from classes to classes. To add on, I changed my schedule of 1 of my regular commitments from 1 of the other days to make up for the 4 hours gap I had in between. After that, I went to A.R.K. House to meet the rest to celebrate Siew Yong's birthday. The cake was totally burning with the magic candles while waiting for Siew Yong & Carol to reach. In fact, I was just a short distance ahead of them, so I didn't get to see the original cake in person too. Haha... I do hope Siew Yong enjoyed her birthday surprise! We went through much efforts to bluff her to make everything successful ok! Haha...


I guessed my personal message in msn did depict a little about my mood recently. No doubt I'm indeed referring to CSC friends as newer group of friends. You know... They don't really do much. It is just the support that they give me most of the time. They listen to to rant, listen to me crap, even though I'm quite nonsense most of the time. Not requesting anything back in return. That simple. Not looking for me only when they need me, or only when they want someone to listen to them talk about some other people other than me. That's all. Through this personal message, I also realise 1 thing. The people who truly love me are the ones who simply tell me, "No matter what, I'll be there for you." It's because they are certain which group of friends they belong to already. (With the exception of Wawa, because I ignored her sms-es just right before that. Oops!)

Maybe I'm very selfish. I just want people to ask, "What are you doing?", "What's up?". I don't mind if they talk some nonsense with me. It's precisely all this that makes up bits & pieces of life. I can't say I didn't try to change this feeling in me. I've tried to start conversations on my own initiative, which ended up in nothing that change at all. The more I try, the more I feel that this feeling is getting worse. At times, I just get so fed-up that I left everything with a bye.

I guessed I'm rather scary recently because of this. I snap at people for no reason that they know. I just get so unreasonable & flare up so easily than usual. I think I just fear for the times when I can't get connection to the people I want badly.

(Anyway, everything above excludes ZARA LB of course! I still love every one of you. =D)

Okay... I'm really extremely exhausted & feel sick at the same time. Totally feel like dying..

I only slept for less than 3 hours the night before, and I had a full day yesterday.. I was like rushing like hell, which I think that was what made me worse. After my 3 hours lecture, I had lunch with Jocelyn & JW. Then we went around engine blocks like lost sheeps to look for ST's classroom.

What a joke can! I had to meet ST to pass him the receipts that I was supposed to pass Margaret, and we had to do it by yesterday as it was the deadline. But Margaret & my timetable clashed such that I had to leave school by 1pm & going back only at 7pm but she could only meet me at 4pm. So ST happened to be going to school at 1pm, so I went all the way to meet him so he could help me pass the receipts to Margaret. After making all the way up & down to finally found ST successfully, I sighed a relief & went on to take bus outside Engine with Jocelyn & JW. Guess what? Margaret was on the bus.. =.= hahaha!!!

Anyway, it was me who screwed up my own schedule man... I was supposed to go for work on Tuesday, but I had to collect my laptop back after school. So I sms-ed Jack to say I would be late for half an hour. When I went to collect my laptop, I realized I could only collect it after their lunchtime. In the end, I had to call Jack to tell him I won't be going on that day at all, so I told him I would be there on Thursday instead. I happily told him that I would be there at 2pm ok.. Then yesterday, I realized I couldn't make it on time if I was to meet ST. Now, I felt so paiseh about it because I kept pushing & pushing, which wasn't very nice even though I knew Jack wouldn't mind. Just when I was thinking hard how I should tell Jack I would be late again while queuing for lunch, Jack called! HAHAHA! He called to ask what time I would be at work. Which I stupidly answered hesitantly, “两点。。。” before I repeated sheepishly, “两点。。。 两点。。。多。。。” As typical as Jack is, I'm so used to his “OK, 可以，可以。。” Occasionally, he'll add, “没问题。” behind that. I swear he said that in sequence everytime I change my time of work whenever I feel like it! Oops!

Anyway, after work, I travelled back to school for CSC AGM. It was almost a solemn event of vetting the report, showing appreciation to the outgoing MCs, introducing the incoming ones. It was rather touching to see the part of video that they made for Ching. Quite a number of them cried, especially those from his batch, including Ching himself. It really showed how Ching had come through CSC, devoting his time to CSC events, and still endeavouring through it as its president once again in his final term now.

AGM ended super late. It was like midnight when I cabbed home with Jerome, ST, and the newly elected business director, Wei Quan. I was really tired out & went to sleep after getting everything done.

I can tell you how tired I was, seriously.. I totally feel all my bones cracking & aching.. And I fell asleep while waiting for CS3361 lecture to start, and I didn't even woke up until the lecture started for 10minutes. It happened twice, once before the lecture, once during the break. And I totally knocked off whenever I got the chance to sit on the train/bus. Oh man... I totally feel like dying & dying..

There's T.H.E.Seniors visit tmr somemore! Not that I'm complaining I don't want to go for the visit, but it's just too torturous for me to do anything right now. I hope I'll feel better by tmr, because I really need to be there tmr. Argh...

My laptop was discharged! =D

That was quick! I thought servicing would usually take days. Now I'm impressed by NUS IT Co-Op efficiency! =)

As a result, I didn't go for work in the end. I had to wait for the Fujitsu people to be back from lunchtime before I could collect my laptop. At least that was responsiblity. Because they told me what was wrong with my laptop personally instead of passing me back my laptop without me knowing what was wrong. I do hope my laptop works fine afterall even if it is going to run slower than usual. =D

In the midst of selecting comm members for T.H.E... And many other admin tasks to be performed. Last night, I suddenly have a lot of ideas of what I want to do for T.H.E. this year.. Making a difference is my forte! I hope so? Haha... Now I'm so excited! =D

it's just all in within.

I'm very upset!

Despite being sad about my laptop being away from me, I guessed he really made my day. At least for those moments. I guessed a lot of things have been understooded without being spoken. So much for being there, I think many just didn't manage to understand how I felt or didn't have the courage to ask what I am going through. He remembered every single details.

I've sent my beloved laptop to IT Co-Op for repairs. It was earlier than expected. I intended to send it for repair during mid-term break. Now it messes up everything because there are so much stuff to do before the break. I hate this! Argh...

I hope it comes back to me soon. My brother is so nice to let me use his desktop, but I still don't like to use other computers except my own laptop. I hate so much to walk into any random school lab just to print my notes and do my labs. It means I have to stay in school much longer & not knowing which labs are available at which time.

I guessed I haven't been easy to get along with recently. Of everything I made myself to be. I just think I don't wish to be close. I didn't even want to get close to knowing many things. Everything just happened for a reason. There's a reason I don't do certain things anymore. Sometimes you seriously need to ask, who are your friends? There are certain people, whenever they come talk to me on msn out of the blue, I already know it isn't for me. I seriously don't understand. Is it that difficult to even say a "Hi!" out of the blue? Okay, I don't really care. But at the same time, I'm not anyone's saviour. I hate people looking for me only when they needed my help. It's just happening all the time. Why is it that I can talk to some people so nicely, yet being unfriendly to others? That's the very reason. You know I hate initiating all the time. After some time, you just get so tired of doing it.

Is it me? Or is it most SOC students cannot live without a laptop? I'm so used to hugging my laptop to school, no matter how heavy my bag is.

Well... A few good things to think about for the period that my laptop is going to be away... At least I won't be distracted during lectures.. And during this point of time, I guess all I can do is mug away with my books more often.. I do hope I don't sleep my time away though.

When I said I wanted to give up 1 of my commitments, I wasn't kidding about it. We all know which one I want to give up. I am quite firm about it. I guessed the real reason behind it isn't really being understood. Because I left it unspoken. All I want to do now is to make everything right this time. Leaving isn't a question anymore. It is an answer. I know I can handle & be committed to both, but I just don't wish to. I don't really push anymore. I'm sure that's not what you wish to see of me, but I guess this is how it is now. I'm sorry that I made all the way to get back what I want with all the troubles. In the end, I realized I didn't really want it anymore. Things are just not the same anymore. Nobody can ever promise the future that I want to me. Not even myself. I guess I'm just an insensitive sensitive brat afterall. So much for believing.

And as I predicted, that guy really did drop me a sms just now. He wanted to extend his friendship with me, giving the sincerity that he wanted to know someone with such a nice voice like me. Of course, I rejected him, giving the reason, I'm not allowed to make personal contact without Jack's permission. Jack's name is such a great excuse to use under these circumstances! Oops! I mean, that is what is supposed to be since I'm working for him! Haha...

Anyway, I guess he won't bother me further given his reply. I think he's just disappointed after my last sms. But I seriously think he'll regret if he really get to know me. I'm not as sweet as he thought I will be. Haha... I have to admit I really use a different cheerful tone from normal to talk to those people on the phone. I have to, I guess. I know I do have a nice voice! But I feel so much that it's not me somehow.

I think I'll be so broke this month! There are like... 6 friends whose birthdays fall in September??

I hate buying presents! Haha... I just walked around everywhere feeling indecisive what to buy. I only bought like 3/6 presents after going shopping yesterday. Thank goodness 2 of the remaining will be settled by the gang. =D

IvalynLJY! Tampines rocks ok! I've got everything in Tampines! Haha...

And I hope I did fine for my CS3361 Paper 1. Managed to finish it last night by spending almost 3 hours thinking of the topic and writing 200+ words. Nevertheless, I still like CS3361! It's non-examinable, and nobody does tutorials! So cool right! Haha!!!


I forgot about other things that I want to blog already. I only know I was very distracted in lectures today because I feel sickish. No wonder I kept wanting to fall asleep when I was doing my CS3361 paper. This is so terrible. There are so many things to do during the weekend. Argh...

Anyway, Huilin showed me this thing in Firefox, and I was playing around with it! New appearance! =D

Don't let your thought waver what has already been decided.



Mixed feelings.

Perhaps I've never thought it would be coming that soon again. This time with fear.

I wonder what am I fretting over? It just sounds so illogical to me. Why me?

Instead of being happy about it, now I'm afraid. Afraid that everything is going to be wrong afterall. It should not be this way anyway. Perhaps I just don't have the confidence enough to face it. That is also the reason I have been stepping each step with jittery feelings, backwards. Would it be what I wish for if I'm willing to take a step forward?

I need the courage. The decision lies in me. To where? Every route that opens ahead. Which direction should I head for?