Someone googled "Ivalyn" & "Tan Zhenxiu" to come to my blog. =D

Not sure if they're the same person.

Nevertheless, thanks for being so curious about the both of us. =)

That person who googled my full name must have known me quite well. Cause usually people type my Zhen & Xiu separately.

I hope it's not CelesteTanSiMin.. She does nonsensical things when she's bored. Just like me! =D




ANYWAY! CONGRATS TO MS LIANG JIAQUN!
Good luck to you as you embark into a new phase of life in this coming August! Ok, I'm kind of slow. Enjoy mugging as much as me even though you're enrolled into NTU, not NUS! I'm happy for you! Though I can't say that I am very happy, happy for that! Cause I know how tough mugging will come about! I don't have to scare you, I'm sure you've heard more stories than I experienced! Nevertheless, it's a good thing to be back to enjoy school life while you can! I totally miss our poly life man!



Okay, back to mugging my CS1231! I can't stop saying I love my helpsheet. It's now only 5/12 filled only. =D

IT’S ONLY A SPACEBAR, GIRL!

I’m so amused by my beloved soulmate tonight! Totally entertained by her! I couldn’t stop laughing to myself in front of my laptop like some crazy ass while talking to her on msn!


IT’S ONLY A SPACEBAR, GIRL! HAHAHA!!!


We talked about everything on earth randomly and she would go back describing about how she couldn’t fix her spacebar back! The ways she described were so funny I could not stop laughing at her. I shall not reveal all the stupid things she did to make me laugh!

Please don’t comment if you don’t understand our relationship. =D I’m not mean to laugh at her at all. This is how we communicate. She knows I’m harmless, and she treats me the same way. =D Our world is so much simpler than you think it is. BOO!




It’s not about how capable and efficient individuals aim towards their best in a team. It’s how effective that a team can work happily together that makes a team really successful. Individuality may make things work, but definitely not at the best.

This is something really useful and true that I have learnt in some modules. Efficient is DOING THINGS RIGHT. Effective is DOING THE RIGHT THING.





Zhenxiu just took the "What Month Were You Born?" quiz and the result is July.

You're fun to be with, secretive and difficult to fathom and understand. You're also quiet unless excited or tensed. You take pride in yourself. You're easily, consoled, honest, and you tend to be concerned about people's feelings. You're tactful, friendly, and approachable. You may tend to be emotional temperamental and unpredictable. You're easily hurt, witty, and sparkly. You tend to be spazzy at times. Luckily you aren't revengeful. You're forgiving but you never forget. You dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things. You guide others physically and mentally. You're caring, loving, and sensitive. You treat others equally, and have a strong sense of sympathy. You're wary and sharp. You tend to judge people through observations. You're hard working and have no difficulty studying. You love to be with friends. You're not aggressive unless provoked. You love to be loved. You're easily hurt and you take a long time to recover.

Ivalyn! Look at how true this is! hahaha... Again, I'm amused! =D

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY! IVALYN! =D =D

This post is dedicated to my new found love, IVALYN LYE JUNYI!


HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY!



The very first time I talked to this special girl is on February 23, 2009, 7:20pm through a PM in JJFC forum. WOOHOO! I've actually known her for 2 months and 4 days, and still counting! It seems that I've known her even longer than that! My love for her is something that many people would not understand.

I'm glad I'm a really lucky girl that she appears in my life. To me, she plays many roles in my life. A good friend. An able assistant. A good listener. A wonderful soulmate that I'm fortunate to have found in my life. She's became someone so important in my life that I can almost not live without in my life. Within such a short time, we've became such a great little team of our own. We bring out each other's strengths and complement each other's weaknesses. I never thought that I would ever meet such a person who can click so well with me in such a short time. Even though the time we know each other is so short, but I could tell her almost everything. It's how amazing chemistry sparks between us. So amazing that many people will never understand how our relationship can work so well.


On this special day, all I give her is my love. =)


Even though we're all busy with our exams individually right now, but I'm looking forward to the day when we can go out together with Crazy Celeste! We want to celebrate it with YOU! and Jiayou for your exam! =D I LOVE YOU! =D

To the dear one that I will always love

While I was reading what you wrote, my tears just rolled down uncontrollably. There's so much emotions running in me, but I don't know how to put them all in words.

Thanks for telling me I'm a good leader. Even if others do not believe I am. Or even when I tell myself that I failed to be one. I didn't regret doing all those things for you, because I'm proud of you. Even when things end up like that, I still feel that you are worth what I have done so much.

As much as you tried to make me believe again, I want so much to make myself to believe again too. However, I really don't know what will make me believe again. I have lost so much faith, that I'm so afraid of losing even more now. I guess I'm just not as strong as how others think I am. I will continue to hold on. But I don't know how long I can still hold on if things are never going to change.

I know you're lost, because I choose to let go. I didn't bear to let go, because I still have you. I still choose to let go. All I want is to be happy, which I am not at all now. Perhaps, between you and happiness, I have chosen the latter. I'm just tired of putting a brave front in front of everyone. I just want things to be as simple as it is before. If I don't let go, I will never get back what I wish to have, who I used to be. I'm sorry that I'm selfish.

My passion is still there. It's just that I don't know how to get my passion forward going anymore. I'm lost myself. I can sense that everything seems to lost its meaning. Things will never be the same without you or me. It's because we have become a team. I wanted so much to tell you, you can make it, no matter if I'm there for you or not. I guess I just can't say it out. As one who can't convince herself to do it, in what position does she have to tell others the same?

No matter what, I'm glad that I met you. You're one of the greatest gifts that I can ever have. I trust that I can let you go on your own. I trust that you won't disappoint me, like it has always been. I'll still be there if you need me.

JJ@Nokia Fun Party! =D

HOHOHO! I'M ONE LUCKY ASS!


Carol was asking me if I could view this Nokia website. It was supposed to be a live web broadcast of this Nokia Party, and JJ's one of the performers! I could not load the website at first. So I went to study my "Heaps & Priority Queues", but didn't close the window. Miracle happens! I left it there like 1 hour plus, and it refused to load? Then suddenly, I heard some noise from my laptop, so I came out to see what triggered the sudden sound play.

The website video actually loaded after 1 hour plus. I even refreshed it, and it still worked! So amazing! I did that previously to no avail you know! It managed to start playing when 苏打绿 was performing halfway. Throughout their performance, my video totally lagged! But when JJ came out, it stopped lagging! The video played smoothly throughout JJ's performance! WOOHOO!

Anyway, JJ did his usual dance remix, sang 不潮不用花钱, 醉赤壁，小酒窝 & 一千年以后。。 So cool! He was quite happy because he said he was sick previously, but recovered already! =D He's so cute!!! There was an interview at another web link, but the interview quality was bad.

Nevertheless! I took some screenshots for fun! =D I purposely showed the whole thing because the theme of Nokia is purple and pink! Just like my window pane! =D

Joke of the day...

HAHAHA!! This must be the joke of the daY! I totally can't stop laughing at it!

(Click to enlarge)

I'd thought Ivalyn might scold me for being nonsense! BUT! wahaha!!! And we continued with a rather SICK convo. (See Ivalyn's blog for more details!) Not me! I swear I wasn't thinking that way when I started that topic! BOO! to Ivalyn! You're sick! And stop accusing me for influencing you! I know I'm a great influence, but not that direction! =P

Okay, I'm not watching the President Command Performance, even though I'm promoting people to watch it on JJFC(SG) OMY Blog. =( It's 3 hours long, and I need to study. So sick of studying! Boo!

Time for hashing! EEWW!! BB!

I SAW THE SUMMONS MAN!

Okay, I’m just being lame. Because I’m bored. And sian of studying on the topic of trees. Not the trees you study in the topic of “Forest” in Physical Geography. Try CS1102 trees. I swear it’s boring to the max. I still have hash tables & priority queues to end off with by tonight.

But hey, it’s really been a long time since I see the summons man so many times in a week! Ever since Tampines 1 was open, the carpark next to my block is always full during weekends. So, there goes the summons man working very hard too. =D I feel so blessed living in Tampines. Tampines rocks! =D

Love showed me something damn cool this morning! And I stupidly keep saying, “I think he sounds so children!” a few times! I was trying to say, “I think he sounds so childish!” And please, Celeste! Please don’t type my name ending with 2 “u”s! Like… Zhenxiuu.. eeww… Don’t turn into a horrible twit ok! Hahaha!!!

Oh! I promise I shall stop “clocking my 3 hours of CIP” until after my exams! Hahaha… Ivalyn knows what I mean. =P

Okay, back to my “TREES”!

I guess I'm a nice girl afterall!


I know everyone wishes for me to cheer up. And to stop thinking about everything, at least until after the exams. I promise I will. =D I'm really happy to know that most people encourage me in one way or another. I really appreciate these little gestures. =D

1 more week to exams! I'll work very, very hard! =D

The first thing I want to do after exams is to blog about JJ World Tour 2009 and the event on 29/03/09. I’m sure I’ll take a long time to do it, so I don’t wish to do it right now. Just for my own memory sake. =D

The final exams are next week. 5 papers starting with ET1000 starting on 24/04/09, CS2250 on 25/04/09, CS2100 & CS1102X on 27/04/09, and ending with CS1231 on 02/05/09.

I think I need desperate catching up on CS1102X! I doubt I’ll have any problem with other modules, even if I’m not going to get like As for them. How I wish ET1000 grade would be counted into my CAP! Boo… Somehow, I’m glad that we’ve end-term tests for CS2250 & CS2100. At least I’d forced myself to study for them, so now I can concentrate more on other modules. Exams are horrible!!! =(

I can’t wait for the holidays to come! I want to get away from the books/notes! I guess I’ll continue working at OAR during the holidays. Then I’ll start putting my time into the camp preparation! I feel so guilty that other KCs are putting so much effort, but I haven’t got the time to commit myself to it! I really have to thank Terence, my partner KC, for being so understanding. He’s been doing so much more than me even though we’re supposed to share the workload equally. I’m so paiseh!

Oh! Time flies! I’m already on my 6th day of 35-days leave! Like duh! Never mind if you don’t understand about this leave thing. Hahaha… Seriously, I’m so glad that I didn’t bet on anything with Ivalyn! I’m such a loser! On the 4th day, I’ve already not able to hold back and broke my own determination that I imposed on myself. She’s like damn right. I totally can’t last for 35days! Like omg??? I think it’s running in my blood already. Haha… I should be giving myself a real break from everything! But why am I not doing it? Argh…

Anyway, I’m really sorry to those I’ve “dao-ed” you on msn or sms-es! I’ve really very busy to reply everything, especially when they come in when I’m away from my com/handphone.

If anyone wants to date me, please do so after my exams! Priority will be given to ZARA LB though! =D I’ve seriously neglected their existence these few months getting busy and chasing JJ! I totally miss them! Then it’ll be my Whatever! Trio! Love them totally! =D

let those thoughts run wild

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things recently. Really get myself into thinking deeply. What if some things happened or didn’t happen in the past? Would situations be different now? I know we can’t change the past, but I truly miss some good memories I had, and wished some bad memories didn’t happen at all. Oh well… Life still goes on. I have been trying to look at things in different ways I didn’t manage to see them in the past. I feel much better thinking that way.

I enlightened myself during the msn conversation with Ivalyn just now. We were practically baring our hearts out to each other. I sort of understand why I’m unable to overcome myself for certain areas, which is perhaps why the mental barrier is always there to limit my capabilities.

I know I am capable of doing much more than what I have done so far. I am told in the same way as well that I can do it. We know I am able to do it. Nevertheless, there is something I always can’t explain that restricts me from advancing. What exactly stops me from extending my capabilities to greater heights? I guess I know the answer now. It’s not all about telling me, “I believe you can do it” all the time. It’s more about how I was never seen to be better in a certain way which I’ve, in actual fact, surpassed that area already. This has indirectly led me to subconsciously think I can never be better in that certain way. Since I can never be better, I won’t stretch myself to do more than what I should have done. It’s the way how I feel discouraged that the critical factor is not being seen in me. In such a way, I can never convince myself to overcome that barrier and bring myself to doing more of what I’m capable of. Unless one day, she can see it in me.

Sometimes, it is not important how many people appreciate you or how these people appreciate your efforts. It does not matter whether you get recognized for the things you have done. It is just one critical person who is supposed to recognize your efforts fully, and you cannot feel it completely. It just totally brings your moral down and disheartens you.

I guess there isn’t “who is right” or “who is wrong” here. Some things do not happen in the way we want them to happen anyway. We have to accept them along the way, changing our paths for the better if we could. The question is, who is going to make the first move? =D

They are very important to me. Maybe they are the only ones left who stay behind to care for me. As I stop in my pace to take a break in life, they stop to accompany me through ups and downs in this tough journey. The rest just continue moving ahead to continue with what they have in life. I’m lost in life, but I know I’m not alone. I’ll continue to hold on, because I know they will definitely be there for me. For the sake of both of them, I won’t give up or disappoint them.

Perhaps, being tolerant is my weakness. I am one who doesn’t show it out whenever I’m unhappy about certain things. I always think I should not make a fuss over such things, making everyone unhappy just because of me. I’ve learnt to tame my temper these few years. Is that the right thing to do? Just because people think I don’t mind, does it mean I’m as easy-going as I appear to be? I’m confused about these questions myself. When I didn’t throw my temper at the slightest thing, I get hurt by people unknowingly. Furthermore, they have hurt me repeatedly without knowing it. When I really flare up, everything just accumulate together. It just happens so fast nobody knows what has happened to me. All it appears to be is, I have a sudden change in behaviour and become all unreasonable.

Maybe, it’s my own fault that I do not like to say what I hate/dislike. If I’ve told them, would things be different now? I just feel that, I’m very particular in things that it might seem petty or minor to others, so petty that I feel unreasonable myself at times too. That is also the reason I refuse to speak out about how I feel. Things like… extra people appearing last minute for lunch/dinner dates without my prior knowledge, demanding as if I owe them when they are requesting favours from me, repeatedly asking me to do the obvious things I already hinted I dislike doing, etc. They are minor things, but I don’t like them at all, yet I don’t show it on my face.

Sometimes, I guess people can’t sense it too. Whenever I go all quiet suddenly, it means I hate some things that just happened. I realize few people notice about that. Even if they do and ask me why, my reply will always be “Nothing wrong.” What’s wrong? I do not like to explain because obviously something is wrong, and I dislike telling people what is wrong if they cannot realize the reason themselves.

我会很努力地继续微笑。。 但是，我不是真正的快乐。。