Depicts my feelings indirectly.

“工作太密集的时候，就变成很多事情不能做到最好。自己有一段时间很暴躁。你自己做得不好，但你又知道自己其实可以更好，但又不知道该怎么做。身体出现问题，你只能去调理它，但也没时间去调理，就只能继续撑，再继续撑，再继续撑。。。”-JJ

I was reading this week’s i-weekly article that features an interview with JJ. This was his reply to why JJ needs a break after his concert. I think it really depicts how I am feeling (refer to previous post). =)

It is true I have a lot of commitments at 1 point of time. I was very temperamental during that period of time. In fact, I cried more so often that I got frustrated that I cried because I was frustrated in the first place. Even though a lot of people told me I have done a good job, but I always felt I could do better, or even think if I could do it another way over again, it would be much better than now.

During that busy period, I kept falling sick as well. I just couldn’t get well because I never get enough rest. It was a vicious cycle when you get frustrated when you’re sick, which lead to me being very hot-tempered than usual.

 

I think it is the same for me as it is for JJ. I love what I have done/am doing. But at times, it has been too much.

So I guess what I really need is just the same as him. A well-deserved break somewhere, to do something I really want to do. He’s going to get his soon, but when is mine coming, I wonder?

Am I tired of everything?

I have this sudden feeling of tiredness. Just want to throw everything aside and… do something I really want to do.

I don’t know why I have this feeling suddenly. Pretty mixed up yah?? Perhaps it is because I spent my weekend at home this week. It has been a long time that I have last went out with friends. Yes, I have been going out with friends, but mostly for a purpose. I guess what I want is to get out there to chill with friends, not conveniently going out with them because I need to do something first.

I know I want to do a lot of commitments that I had/have on my own accord. I want to accomplish many things that I haven’t dare to do so previously. It is a sense of pride. In fact, I do enjoy these commitments as much as I can. But I asked myself, did I just do too much that I can take?

To compensate for time loss in committing in what I have on hand, I have self-discipline of not going out on weekends whenever I can to make up for my studies. I need to have a rest after a whole week as well. But then, I feel lost.

I want to get out of the house with friends whom I really miss. Where are all the jokes and laughter I used to hear? You know… When I thought of this, the first person that comes to my mind is Alicia. Yes… Alicia… She laughs super loudly in public and sometimes it is so embarrassing. But yes, I missed her laughter seriously. I missed how lame we can get, how idiot we are, etc.

 

How I wish I can throw this feeling away. I want to be strong & cope with everything I have.

Long time no see! =P

It’s recess week!

I bet nobody comes here anymore. Afterall, how long I have abandoned this blog! Just lazy/busy to update it even though so many events and activities happened during this long period of missing in action on this blog.

Well… Let’s see… It’s… almost 3 months plus I haven’t been here! Haha…

As I said, it’s recess week! But still! There’s so much things to do! Projects, doctor appointment, work, interviews, etc etc.. It’s kind of endless I guess??

However, I guessed I’ve learnt a lot during this period of time! People seem to ask, how do you manage with all the stuff you have on hand? I don’t really know, I guess it’s just really learning about time management! 24 hours is fair to everyone, it’s just how we use it. I used to idle the same amount of time away, be it sleeping or staring right in front of the computer. However, with so much commitments on hand, I really made myself become more self-disciplined, making sure I finish the tasks I need to do.

Never mind if people do not believe you can do it, you have to show it to them, prove it to them they are wrong. I have done it! =D

During this 3 months, I have to admit, I didn’t have much time for many things. I coped with so many commitments, learnt to work with many different people. To be honest, I am amazed by my ability with managing at least 4 commitments at 1 go. I thought I would have forgo 1 for the other, but I’m glad I didn’t really done so.

And then, I thought I could manage in leading. But maybe I was wrong. Rather, I feel more comfortable being an assistant afterall. I don’t know how well I led, but I don’t really like it if I had a choice. Hmm…

Still, I have to say, much tears have been dropped during the recent period of time. Come to think back of it, I don’t know if it was silly at all. I cried at least once almost every week. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, seriously. I almost wanted to give up halfway. Luckily, I hung on until the end. However, the ending wasn’t quite pleasant in my opinion. Sometimes I will wonder if I could have done it better in a different way, how much I could have changed the situation. Is it worth the change? Do I have too much expectations that I disappoint myself so much?

Nevertheless, I only know 1 thing. I never thought I would hate someone so much after this. Yes, I’ve hated people before, but I don’t bear grudges after some time. But this time, I just feel that this feeling won’t go away. Whenever I see her, I just feel like walking away. I won’t forgive her for the damages she has done.

 

Anyway, on a happier note! I’m really glad everything is over. 1 good thing about her is, at least she made me feel appreciative about the people around me! Nobody could be worse than her! Oops!

Best & worst memories! I guess I have both! So I should be satisfied with what I have! =D