Work + camp + results

An eventful day! =)


I was lazy & tired from the 9am - 10am series of camp trials the day before, so I decided to sleep in & step in to work 1 1/2hours later than usual. Not long after I reached, another fit of battle started its fire again. tsk tsk tsk...

After lunch, they had some fun activities like pool & darts competition. I didn't join in the fun, because I was slacking around, feeling sleepy after the full lunch. Meizhen & I did some sneaky stuff on our way to toilet while everyone was busy in the room. hahaha... nearly got caught in action! oops!

Anyway, it was some "Eat With Family Day", so work ended earlier than usual at 5pm. I totally felt that I got nothing accomplished at work when the day ended! Fridays seemed to be the slackiest day for me!

So me, Alisa, May & Carol went to watch "Night at the Museum 2"! =)

It wasn't that bad. At first, I didn't know what was going on when the movie just started, because I didn't watch part 1. So Carol, who was sitting beside me, explained to me what the tablet thing was about from the previous movie. The movie was quite interesting, even though I prefer Wolverine. It was quite draggy at some parts, and I think more action would be better. I don't know, but many people tell me it would be disappointing if I had watched part 1. Maybe I should really go watch part 1. Channel 5 would be telecasting it soon. =)

Now... About other things..

2nd week of camp trials has officially ended! Which means a full round of camp trials has ended too. Phew! Quite an eventful round of trials happening with many improvements & changed needed. I realized I haven't really been talking about camp trials a lot as there are other things that I didn't wish to talk about happening at the same time. Maybe I shall talk more about Round 2 when it comes. Round 2 of camp trials for each activity will begin next Tue, starting with Internal Hunt.

I've gotten back my result for 2008/2009 Semester 2 as well. I can't say I'm very satisfied with my results, but the grades are more or less of what I expected. I knew I would screw up my CS2100 grade, which is the grade I'm terribly upset with. I expected that D+ coming, but I still feel sad when I see it. I was doing fine at the borderline grade the whole semester, but I had to screw it up during the final paper. Even my CS1102, which I thought I might have failed, got a better grade. So pissed off with myself.

Well... At least I see the light in front of the IS major. =) CS2250 is the best grade I've gotten so far, and it's the module that I didn't even touch on until the last minute. I'm totally satisfied with CS2250. IS, here I come! =)

I guess I'm more tired than I expected.
Feeling unwell on & off, physically & mentally.
Didn't really recover totally from the week before.
I wonder if the "work, camp trial, work, camp trial" routine has taken a toll on me.
Or my mentality.

人群中哭着你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了你已经决定了
Until now, I never did get myself to finish reading that email. I know I should. Coz the length of it tells me how much things I am going to know. However, I really cannot bring myself to finish reading it without everything flashing in my mind at the same time. No matter it is good or bad for me, I know my tears will flow with it. I guess it is just not the right time, no matter who the email came from. As long as they hit on me on the same topic. I'm really so sorry.


你静静忍着紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下
密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割
I guess sometimes we just have to learn our lesson in the toughest way. Maybe not just once. But more than once to realize it is really wrong. However, sometimes when we finally learn our lesson, it is too late. The damage is already done. Not once, but twice. I guess most people care, but nobody noticed hard enough to realize it'll be repeating. Therefore, nobody held out her hand quick enough to prevent it from happening all over again. Even when it happened again, nobody took a hint at it. All they can interpret it as, is that my temperment and behaviour changed. Not until I have to open up my wound to show them before they can realize it actually hurts that much.

这世界笑了於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪
飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着
Nevertheless, I am very glad to have Ivalyn & Celeste around. Even though they are the people who can only do that much and only see things happen with me, they are the ones who make me feel slightly better. I know they care a lot, and they want to share every single burden of mine with me. They know when to talk & when to shut up. It's me who feel guilty towards them. I do not see the reason why they have to tolerate with my terrible mood and face everything with me. I destroyed their excitement & hope. But. Not once did they complain about anything. Instead, they are so supportive of me no matter what is going to happen & what is not going to happen anymore. Even if my decision is going to be wrong. Even if I'm going to give up on everything. As long as I feel better. I'm very thankful for everything they did for me.

Have been awake for half an hour. Couldn't get back to sleep. I know I should. Expecting a long & tiring day ahead.

Thinking what I was doing just before I went to sleep. I remember telling Ivalyn & Celeste I was feeling sleepy. I remember I struggled to keep myself awake, because I want to complete that post with everyone's message. I did. but with super mixed feelings. Keep asking myself why I am doing all this.

I know this is serious this time. How hard I really fall this time. I know I have a bad habit of feeling wanting to sleep whenever something bad happen. A form that my subconscious mind want to escape from the reality & just sleep through, thinking that the problem will be gone when I wake up once again. However, I'm actually wide awake right now. I guess it's a sign to tell me, it's time to face the bare truth & take action.

How stupid to force a smile on my face. Usually it works. But now, everyone can see it all over my face. So many people were telling me, don't think too much ok. I wish I can. I'm trying to. Feeling a bit dumb because I always fail to do so. What a terrible feeling.

I recall the phone call last night. I was actually comforting her not to cry. So dumb. All I could say is, don't cry. Really, don't cry. Pauses of silence in between. I know how terrible both of us felt. We really want to change the situation badly. I kept telling myself I cannot cry. I won't cry. I must hang on there. Now I feel so stupid. My eyes were wet when I woke up just now.

I feel so bad that I'm so distracted. I'm supposed to be concentrating on camp trials these few weeks, but I'm actually not paying attention much ever since I heard that news. And I guess I force Terence decide everything for me. When it's supposed to be both of us. But he seems like doing all the workload we're supposed to share. I feel so irritated by my own behaviour. I wonder how he tolerates me. Other FKCs are so nice to their MKCs. Except me.

I feel so selfish being so affected. One moment, I was so happily starting work with both of them last weekend. This moment, I'm actually stopping all the work we've done. Is it going to be period? I don't even know. I feel so terrible as a leader. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Perhaps I've just thrown their excitment & hope all into the drain just because I dun feel like it doing it anymore. All just because of me. What a lousy idiot!

Will we even have the chance to say what we want to say? Can we salvage what we want to in time?

Click! Whatever!

I love the way she pointed at the word.
Whatever! That's us.
Life is just that simple.
Click! Whatever!

Finally, the Whatever! trio met up! =D

I was late meeting Ivalyn at AMK. Had our lunch at Mos Burger. Then we headed to meet Celeste Love at the MRT station & went to Bishan library.

We found a corner and started folding our hearts. 300+ & counting.. =D We're the greatest team ever! I'm terrible at craftwork, so I volunteered to fold the 4 crease lines for them instead. haha... Yet both didn't mind.. So nice right! =D

We had our usual talk & gossip. As random as ever, as usual. Talked about serious stuff. Talked about funny stuff. Just anything on earth.

It was weird folding hearts in the library. Many people who walked by were curious. Some even stared at us. But who cares. As long as there was "no discussion in the library". haha..



Celeste had to leave early. So the 2 of us continued until 7plus before proceeding to buy more coloured paper. Not enough ok! Before going home, we had dinner at Pastamania.

I really had fun with the girls. We work hard and play hard together. That's us. Whatever! Let's go out together again soon! =D

阮经天 rocks! =D


I'm currently hooked on 败犬女王!
阮经天 is so cute & funny! I totally love his acting! =D I keep telling others he rocks & to watch the show too! I kept repeating until Ivalyn says she's going to start watching too! Woots!

I was sick for the whole week since Monday. Also, I do not have to report to work until next week as well. That's why I finally got some time to myself to finally relax & get my chance to watch a proper show for years! =D

I'm kind of glad I can truly give myself a break, including from those website stuff. Not that I can bear to leave them behind for this short while, but my brain can't work properly these few days. Now that's an excuse I give myself for a break. Seriously, I take longer time to understand what people are trying to tell me, and I went "Huh?" more often while I am sick this time round. Totally feel horrible for the longest time in my life man..

Oh yes, we had our first councillor meeting for e6! So we've chosen our group name! CHARIS! Pronounced as "child-ris".. I love the name, because it sounds like "childish"! Wee~~

It's going to be a busy week next week, because all the trials are starting! KCs are supposed to attend every single trials! omg... I hope I'll survive next week & not get myself "killed" at Sentosa on Wednesday. I seriously need to get some workouts done!

ZARA LB OUTING~

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS! =D



08/05/2009 (Friday)
I actually survived 4 full days of work! I don’t mind the long hours, but travelling is kind of a killer. Moreover, it just feels like normal school days when you work in school. BAH!

I finally got to communicate with Mei Zhen at work! =D She’s my sister’s schoolmate. Her first impression was indeed scary like what most people say, because she looks fierce when she is all quiet & don’t smile at all. But hey! She is a really nice person. We worked together for the morning to install stuff on some PCs at work. I asked her to join us for lunch, so she came along with Alisa, May May & Carol. =D


After work, May May, Carol & I rushed to GV Vivo to meet Alisa to catch our 6.30pm movie. X-Men Origins: Wolverine! It was my first movie after so long! The movie was really very exciting and I could feel my heart almost throbbing out every moment. I don’t mind to watch it all over again if I have the chance! =D


After the movie, we went to the food court to have dinner. May wanted to buy bird nest for her mama, so we went to Giant just before it was about to close. Carol & I trained to Boon Keng & changed to bus 23 to go home. Finally reached home at 11plus.



09/05/2009 (Saturday)
I woke up early despite sleeping super late the night before. But I didn’t want to miss visitation after missing it for so long!

Our first visit of the day was Mdm Ho’s house. She was so nice to cook for all of us! She cooked curry chicken & pig organ soup so us. Her cooking was simple yet delicious. Really appreciate her efforts because she actually cannot stand for too long as her knees and back always give her problem. Yet, I’m sure she must have stood in the kitchen for some time just to cook for us. Moreover, she couldn’t even eat what she had cooked for us. At first we thought there would only be a few of us, but more kept coming and we filled up her 1-room flat. In the end, there were more people than the usual visits. I was very happy because I think Mdm Ho remembers me. When we were leaving, I was standing behind a few of them waiting to bid goodbye to her. She saw me, and moved forward to shake her hands with me. It is a gesture of showing their gratitude for us visiting them.

After visiting Mdm Ho, we split up into 3 groups. I was the only girl in our Hokkien group. The rest of the guys had already graduated. We went to visit Mdm Tan! I missed visiting her so much! =D

When we reached her house, she was already expecting us. She casually mentioned that she thought we weren’t coming anymore. Her words hit upon me how disappointed she would really be if we didn’t visit her. To us, it would be just like regular fortnight visits to the elderly. To every elderly, it means to them a lot that someone actually cares for them.

As usual, we sat down to have a chat with Mdm Tan. However, I had a different feeling today. Even though Mdm Tan was as bubbly and cheerful as her usual self, but when she told us about her poor eyesight, she sounded really sad. To her, life has kind of lost its meaning when she cannot see the beautiful world as how it should be. She is not totally blind, but all she can see are shadows and shapes of humans and things. She cannot even see colours. She didn’t know who visited her, but she only recognized us by our voice. Even doctors told her that they could do nothing to make her eyesight better. She was once hopeful, as she wasn’t one of those elderly who was reluctant to seek cure. However, she was totally disappointed when she realized there was no cure. When I looked at her as she told her story, I almost wanted to cry. At that point of time, I just thought of how many of us do not appreciate the world and complain about life all the time. However, what Mdm Tan wants is just a simple wish of seeing the beautiful world clearly for the remaining years of her life and nothing else. I truly wish I can bring her around Singapore to see the nice places one day. But, I know it is impossible.

Before leaving, we helped to fix Mdm Tan’s radio and taught her how to operate it. She looked really happy over it. Then she took each of our hands and held it for a while to thank us for visiting her.

I had to leave after visiting Mdm Tan, I had to leave. I was supposed to meet ZARA LB! =D It had been ages since I last went out with them! =D

I met Audrey, Anna, and Ling Jie to have our k session at Orchard IB Partyworld. It was my first time to Partyworld. =D



We met LT & Rina for dinner at Cine’s HK Café. Finally, ZARA LB is at its full force again! =D Anyway, I saw Dorothy, Adelene & Jiaqi there too.

After dinner, we squeezed into Rina’s car and she drove us up to Dempsey Hill for B&J ice cream. We sat there pretty long until the live singer left. His voice was really great and I enjoyed listening to him sing.





By the time Rina drove us back to Paragon, it was quite late already. In the end, Ling Jie, LT & I decided to share a cab home. It was near midnight, so a lot of cabs didn’t want to take us. The cab uncle who drove us was really very nice! Even though he was going Changi and Seng Kang was out of the place, but he still drove us to our 3 different destinations afterall. =D

Boy, I was super tired when I got home. It was already past midnight. But I really enjoyed myself! Ask me out more often, ZARA LB! We should have more outings like this. =D




Reminder to myself:
Mon – Dim sum dinner with Acacians
Wed – e6 councillor meeting
Fri – Secret mission with Whatever trio *wink*

FREEDOM! =D

IT’S FINALLY OVER! My exams have finally come to an end! =D

FREEDOM! =D=D

Boy, I was so tired out yesterday, but I did have fun! =D

I had my last paper, CS1231, in the morning. Almost everyone who saw my helpsheet had their mouth wide opened. Haha… I realized I must be the only one who is so kiasu to squeeze 6 chapters of work into it. Others just wrote some formulas to remind them. The paper was still okay. I don’t like the exam format though! It is math but we are only required to give an answer. It means we have no marks for working. It is either you are right or wrong. Boo…

After the paper, I travelled to Bugis to meet May! =D We were on the same train in fact! Haha… We were supposed to meet Alisa and Carol for our ktv session, but Alisa was late and Carol had to rush out something last minute. So we waited for Alisa and have our lunch at Macdonalds. We then proceeded to Topone for our ktv session! Carol came along to join us halfway through. It was funny to hear May sing sad songs! She would be singing so nicely, and the rest of us would be so seriously listening to her and looking at e MV. However, she would suddenly burst out laughing herself when she could not hit the notes or she thought she was funny herself. Haha!!!

Oh! We told Carol that she would get champion if she cried while she sang. Which she “did”! It was super hilarious! After a while, we started singing songs together, like “捉泥鳅”… May is our Hokkien Diva! Her voice is so suitable to sing Hokkien songs! Woohoo! =D

After our ktv session, we went to Iluma for dinner. We wanted to catch the movie, Wolverine, but all cinemas around the areas had only the first few row seats left. We walked to PS to get something Alisa wanted to buy. Then we walked around before deciding to go home. I took 518 with Carol to her house area, and changed bus back to the interchange.

I was totally tired out when I got home! Nevertheless, I still talked to Celeste & Ivalyn online about our plan. =D Everyone seems to be so excited to discuss it. I hope I am not wrong in my decision to do it.

I want a team. I have a team. I work in a team. There is no You or I, but only We.