Confused

I don't know if I'm disappointed. To be more specific, I am disappointed, but I don't know if I deserved to be disappointed. I have been feeling so alone recently. I want it to be better, but I can't do this alone.

And when I heard that comment the other day, I felt defensive. To hear that from someone who used to be in a similar position as me, it really sucks. You left without notice, now you come back and start picking on us. Who are you to criticize us?

You said that things were the best during her time. By judging solely with that component, how can you define it that way? I admit her time was the best too, I can't deny that. But time has changed. People has changed too. Even technology changed. It's true that component you commented about is dying. But it is being replaced by so many other components. And she was the one who indirectly lets everything went out of control. She had her bad judgements too. Nobody gives me the credits of building everything all over again from scratch, literally. I changed the generation. I changed the Factor 'X'.

Even though a few people defended me by saying we got an award during my generation, I have to admit it is not all because of my effort. I have to say, the award came coincidentally when I was taking charge, it wasn't solely my credit for those things I have done. It could have came previously when my generation was just about to begin, but someone else was just more suitable than us at that point of time. So now it is our turn. But then again, if I have let it deterioriate for all I care, I don't think we even deserve that right now. In short, I was the one who maintained our image to convince people we still deserve it.

On a side note, it totally sounds wrong to be happy. I had missed that someone previously. Now tt someone is back to talk to me, which cause me to be happy. Does it sound wrong to be missing that someone that I most probably should not be missing? It's confusing. I know it is somehow wrong, but I can't control myself.