exam's over since thu.. now's holidays.. hmm.. alr went out rite after exam on thu, den on fri, & today.. today go celebrate khay's b'day. hee... Happy birthday to Zhenhui too! so many so many things to say.. but cannot type all here la.. or veri boring liao.. hmm.. like so many things to blog.. but dun really rmb.. I'm really forgetful.. hehe... nvm, juz post abt my lil thots ...
have been really thinking alot... wad have really affect me alot recently.. it's all abt friendship & relationship.. sometimes, I juz feel tt some things juz dun have a choice. yes, mayb they have.. it's a yes or no question. u take it, or u leave it. it's so hard to choose things in life.. so complicated.. to gain or to lose, tt's e question.. where's e risk? life ahead seems so far to me.. wad r my choices now? will I regret wif e path I pick for myself?
to W, I really have nth more to say.. I'm sorry tt our friendship have to end up in this way.. I dun really wish for all tis to happen. I've to say, thanks for loving me, but I'm not e one for u. many things may have been taken for granted.. I'm not worth ur love. for wad tt have been spoken, it has all already been said. I guess wad has to be understooded would have been understooded by now.. we juz have to realize we've not understand each other better, when I thot we know us best. for wad I didn't understand, love & hatred is juz a line away. I'm really sorry for not being able to fall in easily. still, thanks for ur friendship all this while. even if it has to end tis way.
to H, I really have to confess, my guilty conscience towards treating u. for e length of time we've known each other, for e time we've been tt close, before. 3 years.. 3 years is not veri long. but u've seen me thru my kiddy-ness to my growing up.. these 3 yrs is 1 of e impt turning points in my life. so often I used to confide to u, so strong e sense of ownership to keep u to only me & myself. my mind juz keep telling me, "You're my friend. Only mine. I dun wan others to know u." seems selfish huh? yeah, I am. but I cant help but feel tis way. it's from tt time, when I tell u not to do sth I dislike, I begged u not to do so. u told me u know wad to do. tt moment, I know my trust haven been lost. but all has to happen. I was kept in e dark for u to do tt thing I've so wanted u not to do. but u still do it. tt point of time, I felt so betrayed! and words din get out of ur mouth, truth has to come out from wad I dislike. and coz of tt strong sense of ownership, e feeling of betrayal got so overpowered, I tell myself, I hate u, I wun forgive u! so slowly, I distanced myself from u, w/o u knowing it til now.. I ignore ur sms-es, giving all sorts of excuses when replying to ur chats.. I know we cant keep tt close anymore. I know all this seems silly, and i understand nth it's ur fault at all. u've no wrong! but I juz cant get myself to forget abt tt feeling of betrayal, when I know tt betrayal physically dun exist at all. I'm really sorry for e way I've been treating u so coldly, even though u believe all e excuses I gave as reasons. only today, it reminds me to make up for u. I will, someday..
to Y, I dunno wad to say.. not tt I dunno wad to say, but it's juz tt I cant say out. for tis & for tt. ppl keep saying I'm silly, but I dun care.. wad matter most? I've no idea.. to think wad tt seems to b endless. I dunno if I've made e right choice, juz gladly hoping I wun regret someday. for my cowardness, I've to make it up wif my determination & positiveness. I'm sure I'll make it! =)
to Z, u're my apple rite now.. =P thanks for being there for me, be it lameness or tiny little stuff. I know u love to pamper me, and yet I stil always bully u. hee.. but u stil care for me as much rite? u juz cant help making me happy & I juz cant help bullying u. yet we know this is our chemistry. for one's a big nasty bully, one's an lovable apple! I hope tt our chemistry wun dissolve forever, we shall stay happy as we're rite now. wad do I have to say rite now? I love my Apple very much for caring for me! *wink* =P
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