I was really hoping to at least catch a glimpse of him when I knew I was going down. All kinds of thoughts just ran in my mind of how I would imagine to see him. Would he happen to walk by? Would he come out instead just in case his colleague whom I was supposed to meet was not around? I knew I wanted to see him somehow, but I just held that little hope in me. I knew that chance was so low I should never even dream of it, and coincidence does not just happen like that.

I could not even get "luckier" when the train decided to malfunction on the only day I was to take a train to the venue. That very stretch where I was supposed to travel back and fro, to be specific. Ah... I could not see how lucky I would be when I reach, to be able to see him then.

So... Yes, I was really surprised when I spotted him! No, it was not a coincidental encounter that he came out. And no, his colleague whom I was supposed to meet was there trying to find a pen for me when I caught sight of him. At that moment, when I saw his other colleague, I knew he came out on purpose to look for me already. I was rather taken aback. I never imagined it would be like that! As I have guessed, he had wanted to introduce his colleague, who took over liaising with me, to me in person. To me, that was enough.

I felt really sweet and happy to see him. :) Although the whole encounter lasted for less than 15 minutes, but it meant the whole world to me at that moment. His other colleague slipped off after the introduction while he stayed on to hang around. I totally felt shy around him! I was kind of touched that he waited until I left before he went back to his office with his colleague. :)

I think I'm so useless! I don't know why I become so shy whenever I see him. I can't speak much when I'm in front of him. :(

First Sat of Year 2013 - Awesome, Meaningful, Inspiring
I don't use to think sharing and reflection are important until 
the recent year. With this bunch of lovely juniors, I always manage to bring an important message home or learn something new from them.

Yesterday's sharing session was simple, yet meaningful, because a few of the messages actually brought me to re-think about an important decision I have to make. Although I have not come to a conclusion, but I feel that it made me really think what I want to get at the end of it. ♥ :)

On a side note, I got to fulfill a little wish of mine to watch Della's concert too, with complimentary tickets. Fabulous performance! :)

Once A Year Affair.

The last time I came here was the end of last year.

Yet another year.

I think it's time to move back a little and start thinking about life.

Many things have happened in the past year, but I guess there are too much to say if I wish to conclude many things.

Today, I went back to volunteer with elderly visitation after months of working on Saturdays and other personal matters. Actually I was contemplating... So much that I feel like I want to go, there are personal matters pulling me back.

I was so glad that I went though. The last visit of the year. Old and new experience. Persuaded an old friend whom I have known since the first day I came to this place to volunteer again. Dear friend, welcome back. :)

I felt rather amazed how elderly can remember things. The very friendly elderly lady I always looked forward to visit asked me to clean her kitchen pipes for her because she remembered I was the one who cleaned it previously. I didn't even remember it myself! Seeing that I had not visited for months and I had long since left the cleaning scene to the young people as much as possible, that must have been so long back. Well... I'm not complaining. I was quite touched actually. To be remembered for such things means a lot to me. These elderly will remember what little things you did for them. I will make a point to remember to make it cleaner the next time I visit.


Honestly, I do miss him at times. Sometimes I wonder how I could have liked a person so much without really knowing him in depth. His passion, his dedication, his everything. Yet I can't bring up the courage to tell him I like him.

Goodbye 2011.Hello 2012.

It’s time to say goodbye to Year 2011.

And welcome Year 2012.

 

It is the end of the year. I don’t really know how I really feel about Year 2011. I think 2011 has been very kind to me. And many major things happened, but I didn’t blog about them.

I remembered January 2011 was bad. Really bad. The first time I hated someone so much in my life. It spilled over from Dec 2010 to Jan 2011. It was a time I felt so stressed and just kept crying and crying. I totally felt lousy as a leader at that point of time. It was a major thing that I keep thinking back now and then if I have made the wrong choice to take up that responsibility. I do know I regretted not being able to have a good bonding with that particular group of people. It felt like a nightmare. But I have to say, it was memorable. It does mark a significant part of my uni life.

I remembered February 2011 Valentine’s Day. I spent it with my idol, JJ Lin. It was the first time I went on air at a radio station. I have a secret though. Haha… Even though my idol was sitting back facing me, I was goggling at the DJ who happened to sit directly opposite me most of the time. That was my fav DJ! Oops! It was a great experience really! :D

I remembered March 2011’s best part was JJ’s concert. It was awesome, as always. I liked it when he sang “Home”, totally melted my heart. And I did remember how crazy it was, collecting e great amount of money from members, hiding in Macdonald’s toilet counting money. And went alone to Unusual office to lug home 130 posters. Pretty crazy uh.

I remembered April 2011, a fabulous time where I had the best project mates in uni. I was really thankful and learned so much from them. It was 1 of the times I felt that I learnt something useful in my course. Even though I still didn’t get an A for that module, but I knew I put in my utmost efforts in it.

I remembered May 2011, where I have much doubt about myself. I went for so many internship interviews, but failed to get an internship opportunity in the end. It was an upsetting time because I wanted to do one during my last school holiday to gain some experience. It was a period of slacking before I finally gave up and found a temporary job in BHG.

I remembered June 2011 when I went to 30 hours Famine Camp for the 1st time. As a facilitator. I made great friends there even though we only bonded for a few days. We got to experience to be in the Dialogue in the Dark in NP as well. Dialogue in the Dark let us experience the daily life of a blind in a specific scenario, guided by a blind guide. I really have to salute the blind, I must say.

I remembered July 2011, the month I turned 23. I decided I wanted a simple birthday this year. And so, I went out with Ivalyn only. Kind of insisted she had to celebrate with me on the actual day. Because I wanted to spend my birthday with an important friend. I did spend my birthday eve with the same old group of friends, having steamboat and singing late night karaoke. Everything was simple, but great.

I remembered August 2011, it was the last semester of my uni life. Which is also the last phase of my education, for now. I told myself I had to cherish this last bit, because it is now or never. I also went for Singapop Concert with my balloted tickets. It was a concert about local music from the past until now. The best part was Kit Chan’s segment, forever touching.

I remembered September 2011 concert - 成名在望. It was a combined concert by 严爵，丁当and Magic Power. The concert’s turnout wasn’t that great, but the concert is definitely worth the ticket. I bought the Cat 2 tickets, but the seats were great and it was in Row 1. 2 of us even had the whole row to ourselves. I totally went high with MP’s high songs, touched by 丁当’s powerful voice and 严爵’s talented performance.

I remembered October 2011 concert as well – Kit Chan’s The Music Room. After hearing her sing at the Singapop concert, I totally could not resist but to buy the tickets to her concert. It was totally impressive, I have to say it was the best concert I went this year. No dance, no fanciful outfits, just pure singing. That was all it takes to be great. It was really an enjoyable concert.

I remembered November 2011 when I won tickets to watch SHA 2011. I can’t say much about the awards part, but I was there for all the great performances put up by the singers. I totally loved 胡夏’s 那些年! Talking about 那些年, the movie 那些年我们一起追的女孩 had be the best movie of the year! I watched it twice, and it was the first time I watched a movie twice. It was then I also went crazy to go buy the book and read it. I even went to the book autograph session. I have to say, I really like the author’s style. He’s not humble, but he’s definitely not proud.

I remembered December 2011, of course. It is ending in less than 2hours. I graduated. I went for a job interview. I landed in my current job. It seems like everything went in a flash. I got my final semester results the day before I started work officially. It sounded crazy uh. I was delighted, because I never dreamt to get an A in my uni life, which I did. It was funny because it was a module I felt totally helpless in it and had totally no clue what I was studying. But oh well… And JJFC gave a special Christmas gift this year – by giving back to the society.

I guessed I really summarized my whole 2011. 2011 is great, and I surely hope 2012 would be better! :D

My worries are short-lived.

My worries are short-lived.

So are my “Sleep, Eat, Slack” days.

I got the job.

I think I am very contradicting. As much as I want to find a job soon, I wish I do not have to start working so soon. A lot of my friends asked why I didn’t want to rest & enjoy myself for a period of time before I start to look for job. When you have no money, there are limited things you can do actually.

You can’t go on a holiday.
You need to think how much you’re going to spend on transport when you go out.
You need to think how long you can survive with the little amount of savings.

I’m very proud to say I’m not a spoiled child. I do not like to ask my parents for money whenever I go out. I think it is the type of upbringing that I have to thank my parents gave me. If you want to buy something, you have to earn it yourself. I know how much I should spend, and when I should stop splurging.

Even though that is the case, I think I still do not have a very good money concept. I do not know how to bargain, I’ll just pay what the price tag says. If I have enough to spend, I think I don’t need more money. Just like how many people are curious that my degree, especially in my major, it is 1 of the highest paying degree in Singapore, yet I could settle for a job that pays so much lesser. I don’t know. I think the pay is enough for me, for now at least.

I prefer to do something I like, at least for now that I’m young. I do not want to regret in life, to land in some job that pays much higher but makes me unhappy. Maybe I’m naïve. But that is what I want now. Do everything while I am still young.

Life is complicated

I don’t like graduation.

I wish I can be a student forever. Of course, that is not possible.

I’m totally not looking forward to working life. 9am to 6pm. No naps. No going out after lessons. Go home, dinner, rest a while, sleep, and begin the 9am to 6pm process all over again. Whenever I think of it, I feel that I’m going to lose my freedom. I

But everyone has to grow up. Study so much so that we can get a good job & earn enough money to spend & feed ourselves. feel so torn between wanting to study forever and wanting to step into the workforce. Life is always so complicated!

I really don’t know how I am going to fare in my interview yesterday. I think that I screwed it, as usual. The questions they asked are so specific, I don’t really know the exact answer they want. I thought I’ve spoken & explained enough, but they didn’t seem to know what I was talking about. I think sometimes, we have to tell little lies in interviews in order to score them. But I’m such a lousy liar. My mind works very slowly during interviews too. I tend to think more in Chinese, and then translating them into spoken English. Sometimes I just couldn’t translate it properly. I believe myself to be effectively bilingual, but it always fails me at the most important point.

They asked so specifically what my role as the Assistant Project Director in 1 of my CCA projects does. A few times. I totally failed in answering them. I mean, besides overseeing, I did almost every other minor things. Isn’t that what a APD supposed to do? Guiding the organizing committee on the right track, helping them to achieve KPIs, and almost covering all minor things if someone missed it out. Simply to say, I don’t really have a very specific role, unlike the other cells. Or maybe, I did a lot of things, just that I don’t recall the important things I did. Come to think of it, did I fail in learning in the project then? Because I don’t remember what I did exactly. They asked what I did on the actual day. The only thing I remembered, I was the timer to make sure everything runs smoothly on time and on track. But obviously, I can’t say that during interview. I mean, I can say it in a nicer way, but my mind just got stuck at the wrong time.

I don’t know. I hope I do fare well in the interview. I don’t dare to think about other things. I may be appearing to be happy & smiling in front of others nowadays, but I do have my worries on this issue constantly.

Graduation

This blog has been abandoned for a long time. But no, it has not been forgotten. It’s just that I’m too lazy/busy to update it. I’m sure nobody reads this blog anymore. But it doesn’t matter. What matters most is my memories kept here. I have not forgotten why this blog was set up in the first place.

This time, I have unofficially graduated from my university life. Finally.

It has been a long way. The love-hate relationship I have in my university life. Even though I may regret entering NUS to study Computing, but I never really regret entering NUS. I don't think I've learnt anything practical in Computing which will suffice my needs when I enter the workforce, but I've learnt much experience from other things I do in university. I think I'll really miss what I have in NUS. Afterall, I spent 3 1/2 years in this rather mad house. In this 3 1/2 years, it makes me realize I do not want to go into the IT-related field in the end. Luckily, I still know what I want to do.

I think I am quite a lucky person I discover what I really want to do after my education. Some of my friends still do not know what they want to do when they graduate. At least I've passed that stage and start aiming where I want to go after graduation.

I want to do something related to community service. I also want to do something to do with event management. With the combination of both, my dream job is to plan events to serve the community. I guess I'm just afraid I won't have time to enjoy volunteering after graduation as much as while I'm in university. Therefore, I think that's the best I get out of both wants.

However, knowing what I want and getting what I want is a totally different thing. I'm very afraid of interviews because I usually don't do well in interviews. I don't know, but I think interviews are not a real representation of me. I don't like and also don't know how to answer "what-if" questions. Solving real-life situation is not what you can think in 3 - 5 minutes. It is just like how some people who ace in interviews, but in actual fact, only their mouths are useful. Some companies ended up employing people who only know how to talk, but do not know how to act. I don't like to talk big or make empty promises. If it cannot be fulfilled in the end, why should the "what-if" question be answered in the first place. That is why after going for so many interviews, I still suck at them.

I guess now the pressure is looking for the suitable job and pass the interviews. And then, I'll move on to the next phase of my life.

Exam is over!

EXAM IS OVER! YAY!

This is the first time my exams ended so early – 1st week of the exam. How happy! I hope I can enjoy myself during the rest of the exam week! =)

Now that exam is done and over with, and then my facilitator camp interview came back positive… I still have 1 more thing in mind – internship.

I really hope I can get an internship opportunity this holiday! I had went to 2 interviews; 1 was rejected, 1 was still pending(I hope). Then, I was offered another interview this coming Tuesday! I’m really looking forward, yet nervous, for this interview. It’s an internship opportunity to do with event management + VWO! This is really something I want to do, at least while I’m still in school (last semester to go already!). While I wish my 2nd interview result will come positive, I still pray it’ll come later than this upcoming interview. I know I’m greedy, but I don’t want to have accepted the 2nd one when the 3rd one came out positive. How annoying that would be!

What is effort?

I guess nobody appreciates what others painstakingly built up from scratch. I’m sure everyone thinks the things were there because they are supposed to be there in the 1st place. They have never thought about who built them, they just live with them because they are already there. Have they ever thought about the consequences without them? No. They think they can do without them, because it does not seem to make a difference to them. They have never felt the impact they bring into their lives. In fact, somehow, some of them have become more of a burden to them.

Only those who have experienced those hard times know what everything meant to them. Those who make everything better because they know better what could be worse. These are the people who saw the progress and growth in what they have today. They are really proud of even the tiniest thing that contribute to today’s success. They have seen it, have felt it, have been touched by it. Seeing them is like watching your own kid grow healthy, jumping up and down.

But POOF! One word – everything is destroyed. Whose heart hurts?

Leave the creators to cry their hearts out. Nobody cares.

Capable? Or not?

What is the definition of capable?

A great leader who leads any team well?
A multi-tasking fellow who can handle so many commitments at once?
A person who holds high positions in every commitment?

I used to think that he is capable. But I don’t really think so now. I am doubtful of his capability in coping with what he has. I don’t really like to take “busy” or “stressed” as reasons. I mean like… how come I become the one who cleans up behind him? And I am the one who keep finding excuses to put in good words for him?

Honestly, I am quite stressed over this matter. When did it happen that I’m responsible for his incapable aspects? It has nothing to do with me. If I have any fault, it would be my fault I didn’t foresee many things & overestimate his capabilities.